How would Bill Dana answer as Tony Sanchez?

For those who were old enough in the early 1960's, they remember Bill Dana and his alter ego Jose Jiminez. You can find a lot of Bill's comedy on the internet or there is a bit of it in the movie "The Right Stuff" about the Mercury 7 astronauts.

At any rate, based on the questions that need to be answered by Tony Sanchez questions that the big five Texas papers have been avoiding like the plague) I have projected the following answers from the few responses that Tony Sanchez has personally given to various questions. For those who remember the Jose Jiminez character, just insert Tony Sanchez for Jose as you consider the following.

The Tony Sanchez interview

Bill Dana: Hello Mr. Sanchez, how are you today?

Sanchez: My name is Tony Sanchez.

BD: I am sorry, I said how are you today?

S: I feel like a billion dollars.

BD: Mr. Sanchez, I understand that you are running for governor?

S: Yes, I am running for governor.

BD: Which state is that?

S: I am running for governor of Laredo.

BD: I thought you were running for governor of Texas?

S: Yes, that too.

BD: Why are you running for governor of Texas?

S: Because I am a Republican.

BD: I don't understand?

S: Neither do I.

BD: I thought you were running as a Democrat?

S: I am. I gave George Bush $350,000.

BD: You gave George Bush $350,000?

S: Yes. To help him buy the Presidency.

BD: George Bush is a Republican.

S:

BD: If you are a Republican, then why are you running as a Democrat for governor.

S: I am!?

BD: Yes.

S:

BD: Well let's move on. Tony, I understand that you owned Tesoro S & L?

S: Yes, I owned Tesoro.

BD: Well what happened to Tesoro?

S: I don't know.

BD: I mean, didn't it go bankrupt?

S: I don't know.

BD: Well what did you do at Tesoro?

S: Well people would come to me with $50,000 worth of land and I would lend

them $250,000. And the next week, I would lend someone else $300,000 to

buy the same land. And then after a month, I would lend someone $400,000 to buy

the same land.

BD: Wow. Land was really going up in value.

S: It was in my bank.

BD: OK. What happened then?

S: Well, the last person who bought the land would not pay Tesoro and we would

have to foreclose on the land.

BD: But you would lose $350,000.

S: I don't know about that. You have to ask Tesoro's attorney, Tony Canales.

BD: I thought Tony Canales defended Mafia drug lords in Laredo.

S: Yes, he does.

BD: And he was the attorney for Tesoro?

S: Yes. He also told me that Henry Cuellar wrote a "death threat" letter to me.

BD: A "death threat" letter?

S: Yes.

BD: Could I see a copy of the letter?

S: I don't know.

BD: What do you mean?

S: I don't know.

BD: What did the "death threat" letter say?

S: I don't know.

BD: Were you afraid?

S: They say I was.

BD: Ok Tony. Let's go back to Tesoro. How did Tesoro make up for the losses

due to the bad loans you were making?

S: I had some friends from Mexico who gave me millions of dollars for my bank.

BD: And what did you do with that money?

S: I transferred it to the Bahamas, Switzerland, Spain and all over the world.

BD: And what else did you do with that money.

S: Nothing.

BD: Well eventually Tesoro went bankrupt.

S: I don't know.

BD: What do you mean?

S: I don't know.

BD: Do you still work at Tesoro?

S: No.

BD: When did you stop working at Tesoro?

S: In 1988, when I paid the FBI $1 million to take it over.

BD: I understand that the American Taxpayer's had to pay $161 million to cover the

losses for Tesoro?

S: I don't know. All I know is they tell me the Tesoro problem is like the problem I

have for buying and selling Enron stock.

BD: I understand that you have a new bank now.

S: Yes. The International Bank of Commerce. It is worth $6 billion.

BD: Wow. That's a lot of money.

S: Yes. My father was a rich man.

BD: I understand that IBOC has not reported their campaign contributions for the

last two years.

S: I heard that too.

BD: What did you do about getting those forms filed?

S: I don't know.

BD: Well, who would know?

S: I don't know.

BD: Isn't Dennis Nixon running IBOC?

S: My name is Tony Sanchez.

BD: Didn't you and Mr. Nixon fight legislation to require banks to look into the

backgrounds of large depositors.

S: Yes.

BD: Why did you do that.

S: Because too many of our large depositors are in the Mafia.

BD: Doesn't that bother you.

S: They are just businessmen.

BD: But they sell drugs to children.

S:

BD: And Tony Canales, your friend, helps these drug lords stay out of jail.

S: What is the question?

BD: Don't you think that drugs are harmful to children.

S: My children do not use drugs.

BD: Mr. Sanchez, did you serve in the military?

S: I watched "The Sands of Iwo Jima" starring John Wayne.

BD: That was a great movie and John Wayne was a great American.

S:

BD: Now Mr. Sanchez, I understand that you gave $80,000 to charity in 2000.

S: Yes.

BD: And who did you give that money to.

S: The Mexicans who work on my 13,000 acre ranch.

BD: You mean Hispanics?

S: No. They are Mexicans from Mexico.

BD: That would mean they are illegal aliens?

S: No, they are not from outer space.

BD: Mr. Sanchez, I understand that you said Henry Cuellar was a homosexual?

S:

BD: Mr. Sanchez, did you call Henry Cuellar a homosexual?

S: My name is Tony Sanchez.

BD: Mr. Sanchez, I understand you are going to spend $30 million of your money

on your campaign for governor, is that correct?

S: Yes.

BD: But I understand that you are asking for campaign donations?

S: Yes.

BD: Well, if you are going to use your money, why are you taking donations that

would go to the other Democratic candidates?

S: Because I am Tony Sanchez.

BD: Then you are not going to use your own money for your campaign are you?

S: Yes I am. When people give me their money, it becomes my money.

BD: So you did not mean that you were going to use money that you actually made

in your businesses for your campaign.

S: Why would I do that? My father worked hard to give me that money.

BD: Mr. Sanchez, did you drill for oil under the Falcon Reservoir?

S: Yes, they tell me my company did.

BD: Isn't that a state park?

S: I don't know.

BD: Do you believe that there should be drilling for oil in the state parks.

S: Yes.

BD: Why?

S: Because oil is very dirty and we need to clean up the state parks.

BD: Mr. Sanchez, why do you think you can win the governor's race?

S: Because I have a lot of money.

BD: Do you think you can buy the governor's office?

S: Well I have bought the majority of the Democratic Party.

BD: Do you think being associated with Ben Barnes is going to hurt you?

S: No.

BD: Many people in this state think he is a corrupt Democrat.

S: I thought he was a Republican.

BD: You don't know what Party he belongs to?

S: Sure I do. The President's party. You know, the Presidents that you fold up and

put in your pocket.

BD: Ok, Mr. Sanchez, let's close with a few questions on the issues. What do you

think about abortion?

S: I think the people who are for abortion have already been born?

BD: What do you think about education.

S: If you can afford it, you should be able to buy it.

BD: What about school prayer?

S: My name is Tony Sanchez.

BD: What about the criminal justice system?

S: I told you I paid the FBI $1 million to take over Tesoro.

BD: What about the Native Americans in Texas.

S: I haven't seen any.

BD: What about the Blacks in Texas.

S: There are only about a hundred in Laredo where I live.

BD: What about women?

S: I love women and my wife loves to stay home.

BD: What about women in politics?

S:

BD: Ok, Mr. Sanchez, one last question. How tall are you?

S: 6 foot 4 inches.

John WorldPeace
The next governor of Texas

December 16, 2001