March 9, 2008      After Breakfast

Yesterday went by very fast.  The main reason was that I read a novel that I have had for about a week.  Morked mark William Lasner.  I thought I had read everything in the cell block but someone came up with this book when he cleaned his cell.  I did not like the writing style of the first chapter but after that the book moved faster then any I have read in here.  I was five hundred pages.

I know that I can write a novel and I can do the first draft in about two weeks.  I have the ability to come up with endless plots.  Once I have the story line, with a few twits and turns, it is very easy for me to write the text.  I have the ability to take any idea and just begin to write.  Through all the poems that I have written over the years, and the way I meditate, where things flow sort of like a movie I can easily see the book in my head.  The only difference is that I have to keep the story line in my mind so as to direct my mind to focus on the particular scene.

This last book was written in about sixty chapters of about four to six pages each.  I have a logical as well as a creative mind in fact I have what someone called a right brain left brain fusion meaning both my logical and creative abilities are equal and highly developed, as well as integrated.  I don’t know but I think this is unusual.  If I create the story line, it will be easy to make a grid and put a few sentences in each cell to make a sort of two dimensional outline, the book will write itself.  I am feeling that my writing and poems and art will be the source of a lot of my income in the future.  I feel I will do a lot of religious, spiritual writings but I also feel that I will develop the web design business into a very large and profitable company.

When I get out, I will try to read a couple of novels a week in the genre I am writing the novels, just to keep myself tuned in.  I also want to write a classic novel like The Old Man and the sea, if not several of them.  I will have to keep the novels conservative with little emphasis on sex or they will cause confusion with my religious writings. 

The religious writing will be easy because all I will really have to do is to take the most popular religious texts and write a responsive book.  This may be a new genre.  It is what I have done in newsgroups on the internet for ten years.  I just respond to something that is published by someone.  The only difference is that the response will be to an entire book and not just a small article.  Also, I now see that those years of writing legal pleadings were ground work for writing novels.  The legal work required me to take apart each fact scenario with a rebuttal as well as respond to the legal arguments.  I think I was too detail oriented in my legal briefs.  I know that judges could care less about the finer points of the law.  They have an opinion and a bias on many levels and ignore the law.

The better law firms always hire tax graduates from the law schools.  The reason is that those straight A students are conformist.  They don’t color outside the lines.  To make an A in a course you have to carefully pick up on what the teacher is relating as well as read the text.  The tax students learn the system of learning.  So in a law firm they do not get creative.  This applies to LPA’s and doctors as well.

The majority of judges in this state come from the tax law firms and so the judiciary is always going to be conservative.  They don’t get creative with the law.  They don’t see alternate facets of the law.  All to that their conservative global nature and you have a decision or ruling that does not always follow the law.  Most of these judges are politicians.  They have to run for office and so they have to satisfy a constituency.  Then to stay in office they have to interpret the law literally or conservatively depending on there supporters.  All in all there is little real justice.  And for an analytical maverick heretic like me, justice has been hard to some by.  Justice is about money and political influence and not too much about the law.

Like many things, I see now that many years as a lawyer were not about justice but about learning to thing and unite.  I am too liberal and too intellectual to practice law.  I was a lawyer and maybe I will regain my law license before I leave this jail or shortly after.  But that career is over.  I told several judges and attorneys that if I lost my license for the reason the bar was suing me, then it was not worth the value I placed on it.  I am glad for the experience and I am glad to be out of that career.  To those who judge me for my illegal disbarment, most have never been lawyers because of the lack of discipline or intelligence and so I discount their opinions as unqualified.  For those people who have the shifts to read the pleading of my case, most are too apathetic to do so.

One day, if I have a lot of extra money to spend, I will set up a scholarship fund and award an annual funding to the best argument for and against my case.  I will immortalize those honorable men and women in the judiciary who supported my disbarment.  As they say what goes around comes around.  Judges don’t realize or acknowledge that they are a tiny individual part of a much larger society, that they can be put on trial in the larger social arena.  The bet every judge makes is that those he has wronged don’t have the money to successfully appeal a corrupt judgment.  And 99% of the time that is true.  This will tell how I am treated and evaluated in the larger society.

The way that I have to write on this desk is creating a significant pain in my neck.  It is getting worse and I am having to take aspirin and ibuprofen to relieve the pain as well as to get up and exercise my neck to reduce the pain.  I have been writing in the front and back of the pages of these tablets and I may have to stop that because of the way I have to set the pad on this small desk.  I don’t want to write on one side of the paper because it will increase the number of tablets and bulk.  I am hiding the tablets under legal pleadings hoping that the deputy’s don’t throw my manuscript away.  I am less paranoid about this each day.  I could rewrite all of it but it would be a boring endeavor.  I am going to make a more detailed outline as back up and mail it to myself.

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As is usual in my life, while I am in jail here, an investigation has been launched by the Department of Justice to investigate the abuses of the Harris County Jail.  The major complaint is the lack of medical treatment, but the cold food and the editing of the meat are bigger issues with me.

I do not think we are going to be harassed by Ms. Williams to any large degree now.  The feds will be all over this place and the inmates will now feel free to write there complaints.  There is also an over crowding problem here.

I have been wanting to buy a commissary bag which will hold all of my things.  Yesterday the deputy came in and gave us the bags.  They are only ours to use.  They are covering their backsides.  In the general population there is a significant theft problem.  Unlike in this cell block the inmates do not have private cells.  So it is hard to manage the commissary they buy.

I have found that all the little things I want and need, like the commissary bag, came to me as a matter or course.  I just have to think about needing these things and they appear.  I have been through three pairs of the cheap reading glasses here and when Lira left last week he left me his free world reading glasses.  In the spirit reality things manifest as they are thought.  In this reality things move through molasses.  It takes a lot to attach them to you.  I have not bought in a traditional manner the last five of six cars I have owned.  They just came to me as I needed them.  It is important when you pray for something like a car not to get to distracted in how it comes to you.  In other words don’t limit the way the universe can deliver it.  Don’t say you have to get a new job to get the extra money to make the payments.  Just see the car and the universe, God, will make the delivery.  But know that things come faster is you are actively pursuing the car and praying for it daily.  You can’t just sit and do nothing.  That is not how it works.  Visualize then take some action.  In the car scenario, start looking in the paper each day at the car classifieds. Not to buy as much as a way to keep focused. Jesus said ask and receive.  I say ask and focus and act.

It will be interesting to watch the changes around here.  I hear the federal prisons have plenty of medical attention but the prisoners are not treated.  The food is better and you have more access to the law library and your mail is not held up or thrown away.  And you have access to typewriters and all the writing tools you need.  So this jail has a long way to go.  The problem is that in this county, there are to many convictions and no desire to promote proper housing and relocating criminals.  The coming charges are going to increase the county taxes.  There are a lot of things that can be done to improve the situation.  I have listed them in my appendix to this book.  But the main thing is to legalize marijuana and some other minor, non-violent offense.  Drugs should be handled the same way as alcohol.  Admit that people are using it and then sell it in the liquor stores.  The quality can be controlled and t will go a long way to putting the drug dealers out of business.  Also it’s like the lottery, liquor tax and __ tax will generate a lot of tax revenue.  The problem is that it will reduce the number of police and the need for jails and this supports staff.  In a word, a loss of jobs and therefore a negative impact on the economy.  Not to mention the reduction on contributing to politicians.  But this is liberal thinking in a conservative state.  I am a liberal cowboy who does not and has ever used illegal drugs and who drinks very seldom; for the record.

March 11, 2008     After Breakfast

Yesterday morning we were awakened from our post breakfast sleep by the deputies delivering the commissary.  This was about 6 am.  This was very unusual.  Most if the time it comes about 11 am to 1 pm.

The most interesting thing is that they changed the pens they were selling.  The pens that I had been using used black water ink and I could only get seven pages per pen.  In the beginning, I could only get four pages.  I had about thirty-five pens in my inventory and I had purchases ten more thus week plus I had another inmate purchase eight for me.  I can only buy ten at a time.  So I have to get other inmates to buy pens and I buy their commissary for the same value.  After delivery, I trade their commissary for my pens.  Not having ink has been a constant concern of mine for months.  Even before I began this book I needed ink to do my legal pleadings and to write my letter.

Another inmate also had a free world pen that had about 2/3 of the ink left in it.  He got it from one of the trustees. The trustees go cell block to cell block delivering food, mop buckets and so on.  So they are couriers for contraband.  You buy things from them with commissary.  Many inmates have no one to fund their commissary accounts and so this is one of the ways they get it.  They also gamble on chess and other games and sell their art for it.  There is no money in here. I paid $6 for the pen.  I will get about sixty pages out of it.

So I expected to increase my pen inventory by eighteen commissary pens and one free world pen that was equal to about one commissary pen.  So an increase of my thirty-five pens inventory to sixty with yesterdays addition.

What amazed me about the new pen was that they were made of clear acrylic, flexible like a child’s pen, with a golden ink cartage inside.  The ink is blue and it is real ink.  So I have seventeen new pens that are like 2/3 the size of a regular free world pen.  Each pen should write about sixty pages. The free world pen I had two weeks ago wrote 120 pages.  So now I have an ink inventory of about 1400 pages I will not have to buy any more pens while I am in here.

From a metaphysical perspective, something I always consider, the pens are golden.  That pen when translate into money coming to me from this book, I will be writing from now on with gold pens.  Time will tell is the pens are a prediction of the future or not.  I feel they are because I have had so many positive visions about this book.  In truth, it is my life’s work along with my poems and my art.  There are the things that will survive me.  The question is whether the public will have access or whether they will gather dust in someone’s closet.  God only knows.

The pens have a rubber shaft so I tool a part a razor for the blade and but a two inch stripe for a page of my writing tablet.  I wrapped it tightly around the shaft and then I fastened it with a self-adhesive flag that comes on the bottom of the stamps you buy in here.  Now the outer is rigid and the pen is easier to use.

A problem for everyone is that the commissary order forms have to be filled out with black ink and these pens write in blue.  So I am the only source of black, non-contraband pens.  I could trade these thirty-five pens for twelve of commissary or just trade them for working gold pens.  This jailhouse economy based on commissary makes me smile.

Last night they made jail house pizza.  They took five bags of ramen noodles and poured them along with hot water into a large trash bag.  This allows them to make a sort of round pizza base about 3/8’ thick.  They cut away the bag and topped with meat, chili and such that came in sealed bags from the commissary.  They warm them by placing the bags in a quart size water heater used to make hot water for coffee and hot chocolate.  Actually the water is very warm when you take the pot apart and increase the thermostat.  Then the water boils.  But the catch is that the “good squad” when they do a shake down checks the pot.  If the thermostat is inverted they trash the pot.  The pizza is topped with the same stuff as a regular pizza.  They eat it with the spoon we get with each mean.  It is a communal feast with the participants eating the pizza spoonful by spoonful like some jungle tribe eating form a communal pot.

They also make “hooch” in here.  I have not seen this yet.  They take some big trash bags double them and fill them with about two to four gallons of water.  They then take an accumulation of oranges we get every two or three days in our breakfast and put the juice in with the water.  I understand they add bread for the yeast.  They close the bag leaving an air hole in the top to bleed of the air as it ferments.  They ferment it for one or two weeks until the alcohol content rises and then all those that want to get drunk.  Remember people come in here from all walks of life with all kinds of skills.  People who know how to make all kinds of things from what is available.  I will get the recipe for the “hooch” before I leave.

The following is a partial rogues galley of inmates that are here now.  Mike R.: contempt of court regarding child support.  He spent ten years as a prison guard. Bill N.: ten years as a police officer, twelve years as a probation officer accused of trading sex for probation favors. Jason D.: mother is a cop, DWI and a lot f prior running illegal’s over the border, theft, etc. Mark F.: ex cop, allegedly shot and killed a neighbor who was having an affair with his wife. Jamie G.: 22, father is a customs cop, for stealing a computer from school with priors related to drugs. Mark G.: ex cop, for carving someone with a knife in the past and from carrying a knife in violation of probation. Henry E.: drugs and child molesting, several priors. Danny G.: 22, drugs, marijuana and selling drugs both is Houston Police. Nick L.: ex constable padding his side job payroll reports, grandfather was a Luffwaffa bomber pilot.  Mike L.” parents cops, armed robbery.  Eric E,: fourteen year constable, having sex with a sixteen year old.  John H.” father cop investigator, grandfather deceased ex mayor of Pasadena, multiple violent offenses, law student, has colon career. Joey R.” schools cop caught masturbating in his car looking at girls. Wooton constable Precinct 7 stole $80,000 county money by having cops mow his yard, run errands, etc.  Troy G.” 36, mother prosecutor, 7th time unauthorized use of tractor trailer due to coke binging. Corey E.: 22, armed robbery, seven years of many many armed robberies but never caught, father is a cop.  These are my fellow inmates.  Troy is a top chess player who will help me with my game starting tomorrow.  He is the most recent “new house” (new guy).

Two other notables are Ronny G.: 52, ex cop alleged apart of the largest Ecstasy bust eight years ago, millions of pills. Jon W.: special forces army, two tours Iraq and other places around the world in the Army, reserves for trying to steal rims from a retail store, needed money since no one would hire him since he was in the reserves.

Most of the cops will appear on TV when sentenced and then show up ion the cell block five or six hours later.  I have cut some of the newspaper articles out of the paper.  I am friendly with all these guys.  Some I like and will connect with them on the outside.  They all have their stories.  This tank is a gossip mill.  These guys tell their stories and then their fellow inmates call their family members who look up the inmate records and tell the truth to their son or whoever.  I think that is justified.  The family wants to warn their relative inmate of any potential danger who knows what the truth is.  Like on the outside everyone has his or her agenda.  John H. might not have cancer but may be a snitch wand that is why he supposedly goes to the clinic every night.

Oh I forgot counselor, Mike M. He just pled out to five years on his tenth DWI.  It is getting __ now.  All he wants to do is get out and drink and do coke.  I am sure he will be disbanded.  He was a criminal lawyer.

March 12, 2008   Before Supper

Being in jail is like being in the Army and being in the hospital.  In all these situations a person is taken away from his normal environment and isolated.  I have been in the Army and in jail and I have worked at MD Anderson, a cancer hospital.  In all cases, I see how depressing it is for those who her no mail or phone calls.

It is interesting that between ages six and ten I had a lot of dreams about the police chasing me.  They never caught me.  When the police tried to pick me up, I thought about that dream.

I thought for a while that they would never catch me because I was never caught in the dreams.  I could have continued to avoid arrest because the warrants were civil in nature and they could not come into my house to arrest me.  I avoided arrest since Nov. 2005 by simply putting myself under house arrest.  By the time December 2007 came around I was tired of dealing with watching my every move and it was a good time to go to jail.  So I allowed myself to be picked up.  I think the dreams meant I could avoid being arrested and I could have.  But the warrants hanging over my head just got to oppressive. I thought I was only going to be in jail a few weeks.  I was prepared to be gone longer.

I am still in jail because the justice system is set up to keep you in jail as then drag their feet on processing your case.  Judge Brown is an evil malicious woman because I should have been released for hold on January 29th.  For some reason she despises me.  Some of that has to do with the fact that I am too liberal for her.  There is also a problem with Federal judges when you show them no respect.  I was not openly disrespectful to her; I just ignored her illegal warrants for my arrest.  Who knows how long she will keep a hold on me.  One of these days she will read her name in this nook or on the Internet and she will see that I have immortalized her corrupt and malicious acts against my mother and myself.  She has held me in contempt of her order to appear as a witness in my mother’s bankruptcy case.  Her bench warrant was illegal because I was never served with notice of the hearing.  I hold her in contempt of peace.

One things that keeps going over in my head as I write  this book, is that evil is like a tar baby.  When you try to strike it you get drawn deeper into it.  I have decided that I no longer have time to engage dark souls.  I am to old to divert my energy away from my WorldPeace agenda.  The courts are all corrupt.  Best to do what Jesus says and settle before you go to court or you, even if you are in the right will end up in jail.

I am in jail to write this book, have closure with the past and envision my future.  That is the global issue.  Judge Brown Hughs and Harris are just instruments of that plan.  Life is paradoxical.  These judges are all the dark souls who sucked me in to the bet before I was born. I know they don’t know me.  They don’t remember that discussion. Life is paradoxical.  They thought they were destroying my life but they renewed it.  They thought they could do their evil in darkness but I will bring it to light.  They tried my locally in their courts.  I will try them in the world human society.  In the end, God is the one who determines what will be.  I am in jail, but it is more like a SPA. More like a retreat.  When they find out they will be lived.  Lifetime after lifetime they have sought my ruin but never accomplished it.  If God is with me, who can succeed in harming me?

As they say in jail all the time. “It is what it is.”

March 13, 2008     Before Breakfast

Age of the Universe

A few days ago an article came out in the paper about how scientists have determined more precisely that the age of the physical universe is 13.73 billion years old.  Ten years ago this seemed like a long time. But now with the computer age, we have storage drives with 250 gigabytes (250 Billion) capacity.  13.73 billion is no longer a large number and soon terabyte capacities will be common.

It seems that the physical universe is one that expands to a certain limit over taking everything in the path of its spherical projection and then at some point it begins to collapse in on itself like a black hole until it reaches some critical mass and then in a trillionth of a second it explodes outward again.

The void into which universe expands and collapse is infinite. Everything in the physical universe is constantly changing.  From the Infinite Potential all things manifest and back into everything disintegrated.

As the matter in the physical universe continues to expand and collapse the essence if the universe, the non-tangible essence, remains unchanged.  It is unaffected by the violent convulsions of the physical universe.

As the universe begins to expand, the energy, beings, essences of the non tangible universe began to use their consciousness on the matter and direct into development in order to accomplish some objection; like creating a place to incarnate and acquire certain experiences.

The biggest problem for most human beings is that their minds cannot grasp the concept of infinity.  Regardless of how massive the universe seems to us, the reality is that it is, relatively speaking, nothing when speaking of the void into which it is expanding.  In terms of physical space there is no end to the void which curtains our universe and as an infinite member of other universes.  The concept of infinite space is essentially beyond the human mind because our human side resides in a physical finite space.  We have no tangible examples of infinite anything.  As numerous as are the grains of sand on the earth they are non-the-less finite.  There are a definite number of them.

Time does not exist with the non-tangible universe; all things exist in the now.  Only when there is something physical does time become a factor, because all tangible aspects of the universe have a beginning and an end.  The concept of no beginning or end does not register with the human mind because there can be no experience of it.

What I have just discussed is what I know but cannot prove.  It is an abstract theory.  For science, that which cannot be measured does not exist.  Even my logical linear description of the abstract are almost comical. I have used language as best I can to describe what cannot be described. 

The Toa te ___ begins by pronouncing that the God that can be defined or described is not the real God.  This is true because God is an abstract and you can never adequately describe an abstract using a logical linear language to try to communicate it.

The most esoteric of all religions, Zen Buddhist, attempts to communicate to the student through the use of koans and other teaching tools. The fact that you cannot gain spiritual enlightenment with the mind, it can only be experienced and never communicated.  Only a crude concept of it can be achieved.

The Tao says, that those who know, don’t speak.  That’s  because what they know cant be communicated in logical linear or even in the abstract rendition of it as art.

So all that I have written on this matter is just in the wind.  It is the best that can be done with human to human communication.  It is a point of beginning of a discussion of the matter of the indescribable undefinable in deceivable but knowable Infinite Potential.

I have written this book as an opening to a conversation.  It is a starting point for those who are interested in tying to awaken their conscious minds to an unconscious abstract reality.  What I have written is what I have experienced and seen in my mind eye. I put it forth as an example of how I think.  I am not trying to convert any one or convince them of the truth of my visions.

As Jesus said, “Let them who have eyes see.”  Those, like me, and those who want to expand and experience what I have, can take this book and use it as a marker or starting place from which to seek their own understanding.  For those who have lived a frustrating life of no one to talk to about these matters I am the encouragement of a kindred soul. You are not alone.  I am just one of many who have gone before.  I give you my reality, do with it what you want.  I am presenting is in hopes that in some way, it will increase the peace in the human society but the reality is that radical thinking promotes chaos and conflict and this is why it is found by conservative minds like from what I can see and what I cannot.

This is what Jesus meant when he said, “I do not come to bring peace but a sword.”  His truth was so beyond the conventional wisdom of the say that it caused conflict and chaos and cost him his life.  And so it as with every radical heretical alleged anarchist who appears in the human society.  And those of us who put forth such a thought in truth place this like in danger of the majority of human beings who want to maintain the status quo and end change.

 The reality is that our high civilzation has not been able to find people.  So it is time to examine why.  But that examination brings fear.  The paradox is that those who advocate peace are subject to the most vicious attacks.  Jesus was hated but the Jews but his death did not extinguish he truth.  Christians formed around that truth and now that bureaucracy is under attack as the internet begin to expose Christians to other religions through the Internet. Now the whole world human society begins to connect and questions are asked about common denominators of ___ cultures.  Change is coming.  I was one of the messengers who is speaking about the new world society.

To parrot John the Baptist I am a voice crying aloud in the wilderness, change is coming. In fact, great change has already begun to engulf the entire world human society.  And the battle lines are being drawn between those who embrace change and those who fight it, even as I write.

We will not dispose of God, but we will begin to conceive of God in a different way and relate to God in a way that corresponds to our greater awareness.

March 13, 2008    After Lunch

Willie Simms came by my room just after I had seen a very clear vision of all the things I have written came together in this book.  For twenty years I have been working on putting this together.  I could never understand the format I needed to use.  I had also made the decision not to try to leave here until the first draft was written and all the other things I had in my Internet site over the last twenty years had been integrated. The book should end up to be about 800 pages when finally edited.  I had been thinking about writing Kay and asking her to point out the parts of the Internet that I needed.  I was feeling peace about the matter for the first time.  Like I had finally received what I needed to complete this book which I consider to be the core of my destiny.

Willie has no money and no one paying a lot of attention to him.  He has no one filling his commissary.  He was here when I first arrived and he slept all the time.  He left for about 6 to 8 weeks and returned about a week ago.  I had a very short conversation with him.  He said he came back here because he had no place to go.  I think his brother is a deputy sheriff.  So many of these people come from good functional families of which they are the black sheep.

He told me he had a big hole in his sock and he saw mine drying on my commissary bag.  He asked if I had a pair he could have.  At first I was reluctant.  Then I thought how fortunate I am and to dry something that is so insignificant to me, and such a large issue to him.  I then felt somewhat ashamed that I had to think about it for over a second.  This is where Kay is so much more than me, she just gives, no thinking.  She is like water, she gives to good and bad alike.  I know she is an angel and over the years I had come to worship her.

March 14, 2008     Before Breakfast

My on talked to my attorney in the Federal resisting arrest matter yesterday.  I did not like what I heard and do I sent a letter off to my attorney this morning.  The entire legal system is corrupt in ay ways.  On or about February 16th I went in from of the 5th magistrate in my case.  This in itself in nonsense.  I should have gone in front of two at the most.  The issue is the fact that on or about January 4th the prosecutor offered a plea of misdemeanor resisting arrest. I took it but then he illegally indicated one for a felony and lied about even agreeing to a misdemeanor.

At the February 16th hearing before I was forced as a matter of course to plea not guilty to the felony I asked my attorney if he was ready to file a motion to hold them to the misdemeanor the following day when all motions were due as trial was set for March 18th.  He said yes and then I plead guilty.

Instead of filing a motion to hold them to the misdemeanor he filed a motion for continuance without my permission.  In the intervening months  nothing happened except that 16 days ago my attorney and my son and he chief of police defenders office met with the prosecutors to discuss that in two conversations with my son and one with my first attorney but I agreed to a misdemeanor plea. The prosecutor was supposed to talk with Bert I and a plea set on the docket.  The prosecutor has not talked to Bert Isaacs who she saw everyday.

What the prosecutor is trying to do is to stall until time of trail expecting that we will not purpose for trail and then expect the judge to rule against the misdemeanor, which would be an abuse of discretion and go to trial with my attorney unprepared.  It is a play that I wrote my attorney and told him no way that was going to happen and to either set the plea for a hearing or start subpoening witnesses.

This matter is also holding up my life of a writ of Habeas Corpus to over turn the Sate Bar contempt and possibly ser my license back.  Time is running short because I have already served ½ of the six month sentence.  If I serve much more the federal court may consider my writ and not be truly filed.

The part is that the justice system is significantly stacked against a defendant.  As much as I know and understand about the process, they have gone a long way to putting me in jeopardy of being convicted of a felony.  The appeal courts are a joke.  I cant fight the misdemeanor plea there as an abuse of discretion.  I have to fight it before trial and if overruled I have to prepare for trial.  When I start subpoena witnesses then the matter gets serious and the prosecutor has to work to get his conviction not by default.

I have a good attorney but the reality is that I am in jail not home.  This is always the case.  Attorneys are not sympathetic to their clients needlessly sitting in jail.  This applied to paid for attorneys as well as court appointed attorneys.

When I talked to my son tonight I will tell him to email my attorney and tell him my letter is coming and what is in it.  Going to court is always dangerous.

March 14, 2008

Just before lunch we had a minor shake down.  Every room was checked but little was taken. This was a small crew of five with a sergeant.  I have been expecting it because of the DOJ.  They gave us the commissary bags last week and UI knew the nest step was to have a shake down.  The crew that does that walk in this building has about fifteen people.  It takes about two weeks to make the entire building.

With a chance of the DOJ coming through any day, I thought they would have to put on one or two more cows so as to cover the whole building quickly.  That is what I think went on today.

Normally they dump things on the floor and the bank.  They did not do that today.  The deputy just rummaged through my commissary bag.  The bags made it harder for them to search and again because of the DOJ they don’t toss things around.  This is the first time they took nothing of mine.  I thought I saw the deputy bring something very small out of my room and throw it away.  But I have found nothing missing.  I always worry about this book but it is hidden among legal papers that they for the most part leave alone.  I am feeling more relaxed about the safety of my book.

I did not go to recreation today nor to the law library because I didn’t want to leave my cell.  I have more concern about the inmates than the deputies now that the DOJ is here.  They sis this normal strip search which is always humiliating.

The good news is that the sergeant told one of the inmates that Ms. Williams would not be coming back to the picket. It has been very nice and peaceful without her in here.  Most people have gone back to sleeping late and that means the TV is off and the cell block is quiet and I have more time to write in peace. 

What seemed to seal her doom was in incident at morning count three days ago.  Jamie, who Ms. Williams and the other dragon lady Ms white had focused on several weeks ago due to his big mouth, was in the shower when they came in.  Ms. Williams yelled at him because he was supposed to know not to take a shower before count.  I had never heard that bit it makes sense if women some to make the count. Some of the guys would provoke a confrontation by exposing themselves.

Jamie got out of the shower but he had not taken his orange shirt with him so Ms. White jumped him about it.  Then she grabbed him by the shirt when he tried to go up stairs to get it.  Jamie tensed up and as I watched his face I thought he was going to knock her down.  Then Ms. Williams and Ms. White got intense and Ms. White was going to handcuff him.  About that time Deputy Gonzales quickly came over and took charge of Jamie to get him away from these two women.  Both know a bad reputation and both have been here eighteen years.

Jamie was put into a holding cell all day.  If the DOJ was not here, I think he would have been beaten up by the deputies.  He got lucky.  I was mad because he was acting stupid and could have cause trouble for everyone.  As it turned out the sergeant today said Ms. Williams would not be back. Life is so tricky.  So often something that looks bad turns out good and vice versa.  I feel I will have a peaceful stay here on out.  Today is twelve weeks.  Next Friday I will hit the halfway mark if I end up serving the whole term, which I doubt.  I have passed the 100-day mark yesterday.  I have 96 days to go in the worst-case scenario.

March 14, 2008     After Supper

Kay sent me two letters yesterday that she wrote at work.  She did a lot of working last weekend packing all my things in preparation for the sale of my mother’s house, where I was living.  When the house sells, the last tangible of part of my old life will be gone.  One of the reasons Kay and I moved to Colorado was to get a completely fresh start. I have absolutely no doubt but that the hand of God s in my life.  Everything from my past is being cleared.

Kay’s letters show that she is gaining self esteem and confidence and faith that is so important to her.  As long as she was with me she would not help but subordinate her life to mine.  It is not what I wanted or she wanted but she was having problems breaking out of her subordinate role.  Sandra was much the same.  She had low self-esteem but after being with me and being faced to go to work in the bookkeeping business resulted in her eventually getting her CPA.  She had to take the test several times.  I have to give her credit for not quitting.  She was obviously not the same person I married.

Kay’s letters were like a breath of fresh air to me.  They were loving and open.  I miss her a lot but I loved her enough to let him go.  Nothing has been as painful to me as her leaving.  I am very happy that it seems that our friendship will survive our divorce.  Just the knowing that someone outside this dungeon really cares about me is a great boost to my morale.

I have lived an intense life on the edge with not much happiness.  That is going to change.  I will have a more balanced life when I get out of here.  I will make myself socialize in the enigmas.  To date mostly all of my socializing has been my interacting with my clients.

The criminal justice system (my bar lawsuit was civil not criminal) can force an accused to plead guilty to a crime he or she did not commit by keeping a person in jail for weeks or months by manipulating the amount is the bonds and putting off court dates.  Most people cannot keep their jobs it they are off two weeks.  Not to mention the fact that they have to tell their employer that they have been indicted for a crime.

One of the inmates in here was a parole officer for ten years and a probation officer for twelve.  H estimates that 15% of all people who plead guilty to an indictment are not guilty.  I think the number is high.

When I am called to court I am part of a chair of about 200 plus inmates that go to court from jail everyday.  Typically there will be over two Asians (even though there is a large Asian community here) 5% white and a varying mix of blacks and Hispanics make up the rest.  When you get to the courtroom you see those percentages change dramatically as the whites who have the money to bond out appear in court in their street clothes as apposed to orange jump suits.

In Texas there is no public defender.  The judge of each court appoints an attorney to represent the indigent criminal after a hearing to determine ____. The judge appoints one attorney who he knows will dispose of the case.  Te judge will never appoint an attorney who is going to cause trouble and actually put forth a real effort to defend his client.  Is the appointed attorney does that, he will get no more appointments.  The net effect is that the judge, the appointed attorney and the prosecutors work together each day to disperse justice.  I don’t know of any prosecutors who in interested in justice.  All they are interested in Harris County, Texas are the conviction stats.  This is one of the most conservative law and order counties in the state of Texas where George Bush was governor had the distinction of being the capital punishment center of the world.

Now the Department of Justice is investigating this jail because of civil rights violations due to over crowding and lack of medical attention as well as too many deaths.  The voters rejected expanding the jail system while at the same time electing judges who will get criminals off the street.  A show down is coming in the next few years over this conflict.

Believe me, you never want to be accused of a crime in this county.  It has taken me sixty years to realize that I need to hey away from the borderline fascism that exists in this county and move to someplace where people are more liberal in their thinking.  I may have to move out of the USA to find what I am looking for. America is the nest hope for a democratic free world society but there are many problems.  There is much hypocrisy and many like George Bush are dedicated to eroding as much of our constitutional rights of freedom as possible.  In a police state is a county ruled by criminals.

When there is an apology from the President of the United States supported by both houses of the US Congress for the abuses of slavery and the genocide against Native Americans then, and only then, will I believe that America has regained her commitment to freedom and justice for all.

March 16, 2008       After Breakfast

There are so many misconceptions about what jail that people have because of their lack of experience.  I cannot in jail with a bunch of psychopathic criminals.  Some times are those kinds that are locked up as they should be.  But the vast majority of people in this tank should not be here.  I would say that long periods of probation would be an adequate and fair sentence. Their punishment does not fit their crime.

The night before last, I was doing my exercises which consists of walking around the bottom level then up the steps to the second level and at every lap doing a set of pushups.  Every night about six guys put in a spread, which is part of a communal meal, where everyone prepares their Ramen Noodles to which are added various meats, cheeses and sauces. This takes place at about 9:30 pm at night and is way too much food for me to eat at that time.

After the meals are prepared these six men seated themselves at one of the three stainless steal picnic tables, bowed their heads and said a rather long prayer of thanks.  It was not for show.  These people have no need to impress each other but the point is that regardless of what they have done the still acknowledge God in their lives.  No guards saw them. They got no points or write-ups.  They do this because they acknowledge God.  They know what they have done in society.  They know they are not perfect.  They know that they have been a disappointment to their friends, family and to their God.

It is too bad that on earth all that people can be brought into court for is their crimes against society.   We cannot judge the soul that resides and controls the body.  I know evil people.  I know people who will for thousands of lifetimes continue their dark ways and those people belong in a jail more than these men sitting at the table praying without the necessity of a minister to encourage them.

Prison, jail is not like it is portrayed in the movies.  Have no doubt that it is a dangerous place.  Have no doubt there is a controlled level of ever present anger and frustration.  But even in a den of criminals there are rules of social behavior that applies and maintains order.

There are men here that have my respect and trust.  There are men here who I consider more moral and ethical then people I have dealt with in my life.  Many of these men come from good families of educated successful people who are upright and law abiding citizens.  But something in them ___ and they become the black sheep of their families and criminals in the larger society.

In some cases, their families have abandoned them.  In other cases there siblings and family supports them, prays for them, and caters to their needs hoping they will turn their lives around.

Several of these guys are repeat offenders.  They are in there thirties and early forties and they seem to have awakened to the tremendous waste of a decade so of their life in jail.  One fellow told me that every time he has been in jail he knew he would be back, except for this time.  He says this time he will not be back.  He problem is cocaine.  His life gets to going well then he snorts a little cocaine which leads to a bunch of dope and sex until he is arrested for some belligerent act.  Is he comes I again he will get a life sentence as a habitual criminal.  That would be twenty-five years to life.

Last night, these men all of which were police officers, were having a discussion in my room.  None had prior offenses and ten to twenty years as a policeman.  All have support systems outside this place.  Wives and children’s whose lives have been disrupted.  None of them belong in here.  They have all lost their jobs.  They have all been disgraced as criminals. But they should not be in here.  They should be out on probation.

One fellow was in here when I arrived then left for TDC.  He said it took a month for him to get settled into care of Texas’ prisons.  The problem is overcrowding.  The Texas jails are full and the transfer system is full and in Harris County the jails are full.  According to him TDC is now turning buses around and sending them back to the local jails.  So Texas’ justice system has filled all space available.  Harris County rents six hundred cells in Louisiana to handle the over flow.  This is ridiculous.

There are several fellows in here who have been convicted of non-violent crimes and due to the over crowding will serve about seven and a half months of a five years sentence. What a joke.

Eric M. said that in prison he got up at 3 am, had breakfast, followed by a few hours of sleep, then two hours of recreation, then lunch at about 1:30, then another two hours of recreation followed by supper at about 4:30 and another two hours of recreation, then freedom in the day room, a communal meal at about 9:30 and then back down at 10:30.  This is seven days a week.  He came back here in better physical shape then he left.  He was assigned to work in the agriculture unit but apparently they had nothing to do at this time so he never went to the fields.

He is a cop in general population and had no problem being harassed or attacked. From what I can tell there is a small percentage is young angry aggressive males who essentially fight among themselves.  The majority of inmates live and let live.  Like in any other society, you follow the rules or you get punished.  And punishment is going to be physically violent and comes quickly after the transgression.

I am convinced there is a netter way to handle criminals.

And there is a problem to be solved with judges who daily sit in their positions of power committing criminal unlawful acts as they disperse justice? Like Karen Brown who has an illegal federal hold on me for two months now and who is costing my mother $2500 month because she cannot sell or rent her house in the Heights. Karen Brown need to me impounded and put into jail.  But she is white, educated and politically conservative so she wont be doing any jail time.  In the meantime she is free to daily committing malicious crimes.  Daily she does so with me and I am just one person in her power.

I know where are some good judges out there and I don’t want the job.  But when you spend your life looking for the common denominator as of peace as I have and when you are actively engaged in life, then you witness dark souls like Karen Brown and you understand why there is no peace.  The courts are the arbitrators and dispensers of justice and when there is no justice, you have chaos confusion and even anarchy.  Without social justice there can be no real peace beyond what exists now.  So a new method of appointing, electing and monitoring judges will go a very long way toward increasing the peace in the world human society.

I just wrote six pages in my 8.5 x 11 tablet and almost used up one of the pens I have been using since I have been here.  They cost $.80.  The pens I got this week are much different.  The one I am using now has written almost one hundred pages and will write another fifty or so more.  The price is the same, what a joke.  I have spent about $150 on pens since I have been in here.  If I had one of those new pens from the beginning I would have spent about $6.

My nature is to always ask why things are happening to me.  Why do they change pens after twelve weeks of my being here and being angry at the lack of good cheap pens everyday I write?  Why is it that after ten weeks of being here all of a sudden there is a Department of Justice investigation in to the mismanagement of this jail?  Why for the first time was there a riot in the Federal Detention Center where I was supposed to be taken but was not because I went to the hospital?

Do I think these things are part of God’s ever present murates and blessing in my life? Yes I do.  Why do I get drafted in 1970 when almost everyone in my position was being shipped to fight and kill in Vietnam but I went to Italy?  Why have I almost died four or five times in this life but was always saved?  There is a God.  There are angels and there are other beings of light always with me and this is true for every human being.

I believe it takes dozens of spiritual beings to protect each and every human being.  The problem is that most people just don’t pay attention.  Most people deny this reality and even work against these light workers who are their constant companions.  This is a core reason why there is not a greater level of peace on earth, the denial of God.

The overwhelming majority of human beings are not awakened to their infinite immortal spirits. They become confused in this reality. They begin to think this finite existence is THE REALITY as a result.  Most live in hell on earth, awakened only after death.  It does not matter what people believe. What they believe does not change the reality that truthfully God is ever present in every life.  Justice and issue corrupt orders and ministers and other holy men can cloud Gods light with their bureaucratic darkness but at the core of every human being is a spiritual light hat is precious to God.

How foolish people are?  How ignorant of how things can be if they just acknowledge God in their lived and embrace the light.  If I am a minority of one, the truth is still the truth.

If you have the faith the size of a mustard seed you can move mountains.  Imagine a world human society where each individual spoke directly and purposefully to God free of the many physical and social barriers that blind human beings to their infinite immortal nature.  Imagine what kind of world this would be.

When the views of faith and love and light infects a critical mass of human beings, then all of society will wake up at once to a New Heaven and New Earth.  A new realization of what has always been there, always available.  Within our faith resides our potential for peace.  As it is written and prayed so let is be done.

March 16, 2008

One of the problems that I have had to deal with in my sabbatical in jail is my anger.  I am not a violent person but I am an angry man.  My anger always has to do with lies and liars who cause trouble.  I simply cannot abide a liar.

The problem that I had in the law business was taking everything personal.  Every case became my case.  As a result I spent too much time wo9rking cases that were not going to pay me what I should have been making per hour.  To most people, especially those who have money and who can afford the best lawyers, lying is just part of the game of life that for them is about nothing more than money and power.  It is a totally predatory attitude that taking advantage of someone for personal gain is OK.  The world human society is about materialism and for most people you can never be too rich.

I was never able to understand this mindset.  My reality was from ago eight that all you take from this life is you experiences.  So accumulating an untold amount of money never impressed me.  I wanted to be wise more than I wanted to be rich.  I wanted to enjoy my life as opposed to doing something just to make more money.

I also realized that people buy things no matter how expensive and then within six months they are bored with them.  I am not talking about assets which generate money, I am talking about expensive cars and boats and places and secondary residences.  I never understood the part of all that materialistic baggage.  But I don’t look down on people who accumulate for the sake of accumulating.  I just think it is sad that they do not realize or remember that when they die they will lose it all.  Nothing tangible accompanies you after death.  After death your heirs live high for a time and squander all the money the deceased accumulated and hoarded.  I guess such people believe that some how the rules of life will change when they die so they will be the first to take it with them.

In the long run they are just a box of rotting flesh and live in some unknown and forgotten bone yard on the planet.  When a deceased only legacy to his heirs is money, his legacy is essentially nothing.  People who don’t know how to accumulate wealth usually don’t know how to manage wealth.  It is like giving a box of fine pearls to a hag.

In the family courts, I see lawyers who make $500 an hour create misery for the children of the divorced parents.  American justice is about money not wealth.  In the family courts you have a typical adversarial proceeding but it has a significant emotional charge.

People who once loved each other now hate each other.  In some cases there is no amount of pain that is sufficient to impose in the ex spouse.  Children are nothing more than collateral damage.  Lies and skewed and false evidence is common place.

In this society there are businesses that have a long history of praying upon the public like car dealers.  When people go to buy a car they only ask two questions, how much down and how much a month.  As a result some car dealer cant help but take advantage.  To be simplistic is you could by intelligent shopping and reading the proposed contract by a car for $350 a month but you said that you could pay $450 a month, I assure you the cay dealer would play with the numbers to get you the high price of $425.  And you are happy because you are under your budget with such a deal.  There are twenty ways to rip off an unwary buyer.

There are very lucrative car dealerships who use those tactics for the benefit of the owner.  If such a business owner thought he would have to pay a significant price for every person he deliberately took advantage of, maybe he would have been a little more interested in honesty and a little less interested in the joy he received from screwing a customer.

When someone challenges these car dealers then again the corporate lawyer comes along with their usual witnesses to lie about the transaction.  What is unfortunate is that a person could get ripped off for $2000 and the defense attorney could make $10,000 on the case.  The defense attorney has no incentive to settling the case.  His incentive is to do whatever it takes to win to discourage other buyers from suing. This problem could be easily solved by passing a law capping defense fee.  In other words, if the buyer made an offer to settle for $2000 and the seller rejected that offer, the attorney sees would be capped at $2000.  In a situation like that, the playing field is level and the case would settle in pre trail mediation.

I have spent to many years of my life suing car dealers, attorneys, m my mothers church and others and accomplishing nothing.  In other words winning or losing those cases did not change the system of justice.  To business owners lawsuits are just a matter of course.

In the case of car dealers, as just one example of predatory human practices, as an organization they have enough power to influence the politicians not to work harder for the buyer to get a fair deal or just a trial.  The problem is that the dealers are organized and have a very deep combined product.  The buyers are unorganized and don’t have a large pool of money.  So the buyers are not really adequately represented in the state government.

This same situation exists with regards to peace organizations.  Before Iraq, and even now, George Bush had a awesome monstrous organizations of the military industrial complex and the oil industry supporting and funding his and the Republican party.  Peace groups were individual and disorganized with no designated speaker and no common fund to confront the President. So the peace organizations turned out huge crowds of people to protest but at the end of these quiet rally’s everyone just looked at each other as if to say “What now?” and then went home.  The devastation to Iraq and the skyrocketing price of oil and the economic problems due to war managing has harmed all Americans.  George Bush laughed with his buddies at the little peaceniks bringing their little demons.

There were no weapons of mass destruction.  There was no Al Quada / Saddam link.  It was all a lie fashioned on the public by George Bush.  This is the kind of thing that makes me angry.  Angry at George Bushy and angry at the peace organizations and their ineffective ability to take a mo..ted opportunity and confront lies, injustice, and war.  Every peace organization is elitist and exclusionary.  So they stay ineffective as just a long list of ineffective organizations.

I have found that evil is like a tar baby.  If you hit it, it gets all over you, and if you try to remove your hand you get even more on you until you are covered in black goo.  There is little light within those who choose darkness either deliberately or out of confusion in the manifestation of this reality.  I have fought all the battles I intend to fight in this life.

I took on these battles because I wanted to understand the core issues that created them in hoped of funding a solution.  I found out why politics do not work when I ran for governor.  I found out why the justice system does not work as I practiced law.  I found out why church bureaucracies don’t work as I have studied religion and sued the Prespeterian church for theft.

By not working I mean the politics, the justice system and religion cannot bring a significant amount of peace to the world human society.  In fact, in all these cases the tendency is to create more chaos and confusion.  I now understand the problem. Now the rest of my life will be devoted to finding a solution.

For the rest of my life I will focus on doing as much good as I can.  I will not engage evil head on.  I will attempt to cut away its foundation the only way it can be done and that is to educate people as to the problem and then teach them to connect with their higher spiritual purpose and begin to create a more just and sane human society.

I know that we can increase the peace in the world human society as well as within the family.  Most people think I am silly to think this way.  They do not matter.  Those who matter are the true believers who are as determined as I am to make a difference to make a peaceful change by peaceful means in the world human society.

One of the things that I hear very often from fundamental Christians is that it is a waste of time to try to change the world.  They say that only when Jesus returns will there be peace.  This is an excuse for apathy.  It is a negative defeatist excuse to do nothing and I totally reject such a ridiculous philosophy.  Jesus will come when he comes but in the meantime John WorldPeace is going to try and make a difference and increase the peace in the world.

I doubt if Jesus will fault me for trying. I doubt he will call me stupid or tell me I wasted my time.  And if I die before Jesus returns then I don’t expect I will be judged badly for having a determination to confront apathy with a life dedicated to the advocacy of peace and WorldPeace.

I will leave my anger in this jail.  I will exit with an agenda to bring some level of increased peace to the world society by doing as much good as I can with the hopes that evil and darkness will be to some degree overcome with light.  Not with direct confrontation.

March 18, 2008      After Breakfast

Ms. Williams returned yesterday but she was very docile.  The word is that she got a week suspension.

There are more new deputies and white shirts (non deputies) in the precinct. They are not fully trained because they don’t know how to open the cell doors and turn on and off the lights.  And they don’t know to put everyone to bed at 10:30 pm.

This morning the breakfast was delivered between the inside and outside doors but everyone stood in line until the guard figured out he had to open the inside door so we could get the tray of food.

Also, after everyone went back to bed one of the guards came door to door asking about mail.  This is what they have to do in the cellblock next door where they are locked down 234 hours a day.  Here we just attach the mail to the inside door, all this is due to the Department of Justice investigation.  They are under staffed and so they are rushing to fill the empty positions.  The problem is that not having experienced people in here could be dangerous.

I talk to John every night and last night he said my father had a heart attack.  He is still at the hospital recovering from surgery, I guess he had a minor heart attack and they gave him something to relive it.  They think he is amazing in his ability to recover.  I think it ha to do with a determination to live and prayers.  Both my grandfathers beat cancer.  My mother’s father was a medical miracle ongoing.  He held onto life.

I pray I get out of here before my father decides to leave.  I know now when he dies it will be quiet.  It will be his heart that stops.  And just like his father he will be totally lucid.

It is sad that the acts of my youngest son with regards to our business drove a wedge between my father and I.  This is ___ to his ___. Life in this reality is hard even under the best of circumstances.

March 18, 2008

I went down to play chess after lunch and found the guard picked up the chess set last night because Jamie and Henry E. were playing after everyone was told to go to bed.  So again, Jamie has done something that has effected the ten guys who play chess all the time.  This is the kind of thing that gets someone hurt in here and actually faster in the Army.  The problem, in jail is the possible retaliation from the guards.  That is not a problem in the Army.  In the Army it is expected that the platoon will take care of screw ups.

Key sent me a nice letter which is happening more and more frequently.  She enclosed a small 2 x 3 inch decal with a unicorn and two stars on it.  Then a new female guard kept it as contraband.  It was a small thing but just another reminder that I am in jail.  I cannot afford to make an issue out of it.  It was the thought that counted.

Eric S. just came to my room.  He was a constable who allegedly used his position to have sex with a 16 year old girl.  The first trial ended in a hung jury.  The prosecution experienced another judge who as gatekeepers disallowed some of the evidence favorable to Eric.  He was convicted on two issues and the sentences were run consecutively meaning he has to serve one before he can serve the second one.  This is hardly ever done.  In addition in that scenario he will not be eligible until he serves half his time, which is 7 ½ years.

Now he says they are going after his wife for allegedly prepping and coaching his mother as to her testimony at trial.  They have offered her deferred probation for six years, a $1000 fine and 350 hours of community service.  Is she successfully does the deferral there will be no record.  Is she makes any mistakes on ___ they will revoke it and she will probably do two years and have a felony on her record.  Of the two years she may get out with three months of jail time and parole.  If Eric’s sentences had run concurrently (at the time) he would have been out in about 11 months.  The reason for the small amount of time served is that the jails are overcrowded.  I told him to tell his wife to take the deferred adjudication.  She wants to fight and I reminded him of what happened to him.

Further, Eric had been offered five years probation prior to the second trail.  He believed he would get another hung jury and refused the offer.  It was a big mistake.  If his wife goes to jail, their three and five years old will be without both parents for a time and both parents will have felony convictions.

I just learned last week from Eric that he had served the county a year before he was indicted over some civil matter.  He was a constable for fourteen years with a clean record.  Chances are they were out to get him for the lawsuit and just waited for a complaint to some up where they could make a example out for him.

Every day, people are forced to make these kinds of decisions.  Going to trial is a major gamble.  My advice to Eric was to tell his wife to plead out.  She wants to fight.  If she loses, he will lose his appeal because his appeal is based on her testimony.  In my opinion he is gambling for more than he can afford to lose.

March 19, 2008       After Breakfast

We are in mid March and there should not be more than one more very cold day before summer.  It has not been as cold in the cellblock as it was when I arrived.  The outside weather definitely has an effect on the temperature in here.

Three guys left the cell block yesterday; Danny G., a friend, Juan Garcia, 22, a whiner and mocker, excuse maker, and a fellow who I did not trust.

As an ex lawyer or someone with legal knowledge, all the new houses (guys who are classified to this cellblock) came to me after three or four days if not earlier.  Counselor, the other attorney who was in here is now in the hospital on infirmary in this building was a criminal lawyer, but all he does is sleep now.  They kept him doped up in here.  He is addicted to pills and alcohol.  They say he had ten DWI’s.  Now he can hardly stand, urinates on the floor and falls out of bed.  It is sad what drugs and alcohol abuse can do to a human being, so I am the tank counselor now.

We got the chess game back last evening.  For some reason that relaxed me.  Chess is a good break for me through out the day.  I never play more than three games in a row because I lose interest and play like I am stupid.  Troy G. has taught me a lost in just an hour or so of lessons.  He is a chess master.

In three days, I will be here 90 days, half of my state bar sentence.  The three months went extremely fast.  Doing the last three will be easy if I in fact have to do them.

I was looking at my legal documents in the Federal resisting arrest and found that the deadline for mother in the court’s order was March 17th. I don’t have any reason to believe Richard Eli filed a motion to enforce the misdemeanor. I was mad about this because when we get an agreement or enable another continuance, I will have to deal with it at trial if the judge allows it. I don’t want to have to plead guilty to a felony. I will still not have to do anymore jail time because I have no history but a felony means no voting and no gun possession. It also makes it look like I did some harm to the arresting officer. I don’t want this on my record but if I go to trial I could get 8 years jail time.

Normally, I would have stayed up all night writing a memoir and a letter to my attorney. However, I instead began to work on this book. That gave me some time to think about what I was going to do. A lawsuit is like a chess match. You have to think ahead. You have to anticipate the judge, the opposing attorney, the witnesses, your attorney….

I will write a letter to my attorney today that is going to put him on edge. I am going to put him in front of a bar grievance. And a black mark in the Federal Public Defender’s affair. It will make him get aggressive and hopefully resolve this matter next week. I have given him all the time he needs. Now it is time to pressure this matter.

I am also going to file a writ of habeas corpus motion on the bankruptcy judge Karen Brown. She has also had plenty of time to do the right thing. She is costing my mother $2500 a month and is keeping me on edge with her illegal hold on me. I just have to tone down my anger at her corruption. No matter what happens her bold acts will be immortalized in this book.

Court and the justice system are very treacherous especially if like me you have enemies. I agree with Jesus that no matter how sure you are of your case, you need to settle out of court..

March 20, 2008 After Breakfast

Yesterday, Troy G., the chess master, went home. Troy is 37 and spent a lot of time in jail due to his coke habit. His father is a retired pro. Football player and his mother is a prosecutor for Harris County. He finished his time in Brazos County, 14 months ago them plead out his Harris County problem for time served and was on hold for 3 warrants out of Georgia. He wanted extradition but Georgia said they were not coming to pick him up. So he is free now but every time he gets stopped by the cops in the US he will go to jail due to the Georgia hold.

I like Troy a lot because he is a nice guy. We got along. He reminded me of my sons and it was nice to talk to him. For that reason I was sad to see him go. And he taught me more about chess than I had learned in 52 years in just a few days. He taught me global game concepts. Most things I can learn by reading a book but I have not been able to get in sync with any chess book.

Henry E. took charge of Counselor commissary bag when he went to the infirmary. I ran out of peanut butter so I asked Henry if Counselor had an unopened jar that I would like to have it and I would replace it Monday when we get commissary. He said he would check on it tomorrow. Crazy. It is in a bag under his bed and I can guarantee he knows everything that is in that bag, The delay is about Henry trying to figure an angle as to how he can get something for himself out of the deal. That is how things work in here. Nothing is free. I gave John H. 2 envelopes and two stamps a few days ago and I had people ask why I was so foolish. That I should have gotten something in return.

I have a little vertigo which I get periodically. It came on me when I was exercising last night. I take over the counter bonnine for it. So now I have to fill out an IGO form so I can go to the clinic and get some. Normally that takes about a week. Maybe with the fed investigation it will be sooner. I hate to deal with the hastle. But I don’t like to deal with the dizziness either.

The new pens that I was using the new ones with the blue ink just ran out of ink. I have been using it for 9 days. Normally I use the old ones for about 30 minutes. The old ones wrote about 7 pages more. This new type wrote over 150 pages.

I have learned to hang as many of my socks and underwear as I can in the food slots in the door. It is about 18” wide and the AC circulates the air between the cell and the outside through that hole. So if acts, like a drier. The problem is that sometimes the guards give you static about it. When I came here almost everyone had plastic over the hole. It was held in place by toothpaste. The reason was to slow down the air circulation and in crease the heat in the cell. Lately the cell block is about 5 degrees warmer than when I got here. No one walks around with a blanket with them now. When I came here about everyone had their blanket draped over them.

Last night I realized that my attorney missed the filing deadline for my misdemeanor motion in the resisting arrest. This would have the effect of making me go to trial in the felony if the judge wants to be a jerk. Which he is. So I asked Jake to call the attorney and demand an immediate visit. He has to file the motion immediately and a motion for a continuance. The prosecutors were supposed to make a decision on what they were going to do 3 weeks ago. They are playing games with my future. I don’t mind it if I have to stay here another 90 days so that I never have to come back. But I don’t want a felony on my record and the judge giving me 2 years jail time instead of the probation that the federal guidelines require. The whole legal system is very dangerous. And this is America I can’t imagine how it is with other countries.

Today is the halfway mark in my state Bar contempt sentence _______ of 180 days. I thought today was Thursday but in fact it is Friday. Good Friday. This is the day 20 years ago when I made the commitment to God to do something about increasing the peace in the human society. I saw in my veins that this path would be hard and that no one wanted the job. In my vision I saw the WorldPeace word on the ground and no one would pick it up. They were walking by it and around it. It was like on the ground in a crowd of people not like on a sidewalk. I chose to pick it up after understanding what it represented. I did not care what pain it involved. I was determined to live what Dr. Warren called a purpose driven life but not the one so strictly defined and Christianity limited as his definition. Everyone has a purpose or destiny in this life. Happy are those who connect with that purpose and make it a template by which they live this whole life.

In the days following my commitment, I made a wand like the one I saw. Over the years I have added things to it like a beaded belt that looks like the vision. I later had of the great void and its belt of souvenirs within.

My life is divided into three distinct twenty year sections.  The first twenty were about growing up into adult hood.  The second was more or less conventional life with Sandra.  The third which I can finalize now was the WorldPeace fund.  I believe the coming forty years will be about traveling the world creating WorldPeace beacons.  The next twenty living more active than the second twenty.  After that one hundred years, then a time of peace which could last another fifty years.  God only knows.  I know I will not leave until my work is done and as long as God wakes me up each morning I will continue to further the course of WorldPeace.

My reason in may be flawed but if it is, it was not intentional.  I am following my God given divine guidance.  That is all I can do because that is all I have ever done.  Happy Birthday to me.

Yesterday when I was in the phone talking to John they installed a complaint box.  The interesting thing is that it is between the inside and outside door and so you have to be allowed entrance to put any thing in the box.

Some of the guys  who have been here before say that these boxes were taken down at some time in the past.  I asked why not put them inside the cell block and the answer was that they would tear them down.

March 21, 2008    After Supper

Heaven-Nirvana

The vast majority is the major religions on earth believe in an after life.  There is a common belief in a soul and after death the human body releases the soul (spirit).  Christians believe that that soul is then judged and based on that judgment of how it preferred on earth either goes to heaven or hell.  The eastern religions tend to believe that is the soul has not deemed detachment from the earth then it will reincarnate and try again.  The ___ goal is to merge with God.

I believe heaven and hell are one and the same and are nothing more than a mirror image of what we see in the human society on earth.  The world human population is extremely dynamic.  Each human being is unique and human beings group in different characteristics and beliefs.  Heaven and hell must just be a larger more dynamic version.  The Bible clearly says there was a war in heaven between the angels.  Is that is so, then there are differences of opinions there as well as on earth.  Also, Satan and his followers lost the war and were cast down to the earth.  We don’t know what that really means but we do know that some angels are stronger and more powerful than others because one group won and the other lost the war.

The fact that there are different opinions in Heaven and there are different kinds of power means that heaven is just like earth.  We are a more tangible life form than spiritual beings.  But the same problems that exist on earth, also exist in heaven.

I have never been satisfied with the simplistic definitions, explanations and descriptions of heaven and hell.  For me the cause of all chaos is the churning nature of the universe.  Things come into existence and then they disintegrate.  The nature of the universe is one of creation and destruction.  This constant manifesting and disintegrating means constant change.  A perfect peace would be a told static state of being.  In other words a state where nothing changes, a state where something’s begun, unlike growing (manifesting) and dying (disintegrating).

Probably the most peaceful thing we can relate to is a rock. Yet is appears to us to be inanimate and without life.  That is true.  It changes very slowly but it is at peace because of that lack of change.  So the perfect peace that Christians discuss is one of the spirit being frozen.  Any change no matter how small over any period of time no matter how long it creates chaos and a lack of peace, being frozen in Heaven makes no sense.

What does make sense is that in this reality there is a non tangible and tangible aspect and both are interrelated with each other.  The spiritual side whose essence is much more ghost like in its thinner density is longer lived, probably infinite and this spiritual essence being incarnates into the tangible, heavy, human form.

In the human form, these beings attempt to create a more tangible heaven on the domed earth. The greater diversity of earth highlights pleasure and pain.  Emotions are more real and significant.

There are also many limitations to the more dense earth which to me is like existing in molasses when everything moves slower.  In a word, things cannot be thought into existence.  Thing have to be slowly created.  Atoms have to be slowly assembled to create the greater density.  Flesh and blood is extremely dense and extremely complicated and dynamic.  But this compact density reverberates like a gong.  The music that is this reality holds the notes like steel as opposed to air.

In death, are spiritual consciousness moves into it natural state until it descends to reincarnate or pursue some other endeavor such as helping others who are still on earth.  Through the human body the spirit can clearly see matter and experience a primal life with greater intensity.  Prior to death the spirit walks out of the body, disengages fro the senses and waits for the silver cord and that connects the body and soul to be severed as the body dies.

The Buddhist assume that all human begins suffer in this reality and desire not to reincarnate.  The truth is that even the pain of salvation and suffering in a million ways presents on opportunity for the soul to grow, learn, experience and joy in the heightened experience.

The infinite immortal spirit is infinitely curious and seeks to experience endless reality externally and forever.  The realm of the Infinite Potential is forever.  Yet there is no beginning or end, only the perception of such in their tangible reality.  In truth all exist in the now, past, present and future are one.  Everything has always existed.

Through the projection of thought the Infinite Potential, reality manifests and spirits shape the development of physical worlds for the prepare of experiencing a different vibration of existence.

The models and metaphors presented by contemporary religions are too simplistic to even begin to describe heaven and earth.  But the metaphors are simple in order to allow the majority of human beings to have some concept of how this reality is ordered and constructed.

Jesus and Buddha referenced to discuss these truths and abstracts because they were relevant to life in this reality.  They taught an ignorant populace. Few could experience what Buddha and Jesus experienced and knew.  Jesus and Buddha were great souls who incarnated here to help enlighten the human population and further evolve religion and spiritual understanding on this planet in the human population.

Through the Internet, the human population is being organized so that like souls can physically find and communicate with each other.  As these like souls of a greater enlightenment connect they are going to create a critical mass of physically liked human beings and the world human society will be uplifted.  We are all connected spiritually but that connection is weak.  When those of the same spiritual clay begin to connect physically it will significantly bolster each human in the connection.  Though the spirit information is dissiminated to the world human population. Now that spiritual enlightenment will be consciously communicated from human to human.

Heaven is always interacting with human beings.  That is how society moves forward.  The spirits incarnate and become active participants in advocating the human spirit.  That being said, it must always be remembered that there are good and bad, light and dark souls and so there is a constant battle taking place in heaven.  Hell on earth.  The Infinite Potential is a mental force and can be used for any purpose.  If positive prayer works, so do negative prayer.  This is only as important to remain consistently vigilant so as not to be drawn into the dark side of the fence  (the way of God, or whichever term you prefer).

March 22, 2008    After Breakfast

I am now on the downside of my six month sentence for contempt.  I have eighty-seven days too go if I have to serve the entire sentence.

This morning my feeling is that I will not need to serve more that a month. I can feel this book coming to a close.  I have received my outline of what is left to be released and it is not that much.  I had hoped to finish by tomorrow Easter Sunday but that is not going to happen.  But I believe it will be finished by next Sunday of not April 1,. 2008.  I made the commitment to change my name on Good Friday, April 11, 2008.  Since Eater does not fall on the same day each year I have sort of a split birthday or anniversary of my name change.  April 1st and Good Friday.  It seems very appropriate that I conclude this first draft on one of those two days, whether I will have already done some editing by April 1, or not is the question.

Part is me wants to leave here with a manuscript that only needs to be typed.  I would not edit from this original because it is like my poems, which never need any editing.  Recently I have begun to clarify the words that look too scribbled.  The editing I will do has to do with the flowing of the book; changing the order in which a few things appear at the same time insert things I wrote years ago that are on the internet.  I asked Oscar to put them out and send them to me but he did not put enough postage on them and I have never received them.  John has not had time to do it and Kay who was starting to write regularly is now to busy to do it.

When you try to make things happen in life and they do not happen, then you know that God has a reason for it.  This is a minor issue but I am not to have those articles from the Internet at this time.

When I get home I will do the grammar punctuation etc. editing as I type the manuscript with final form and then send it to Harper in NY.  When I sent off the Book of Peace in 1993 to Harper Collins, the executive I sent it to sent it to Harper Collins a subsidiary in California.  Just now I felt that I should sent it again to NY and not to California.  This book is much more then BOP.

Right now there are several issues that I feel will solve themselves in the next few weeks.  The two main ones are Kay and the house in the Heights.

I do not have clarity with Jay and it is hard to look at the fact that she left me.  With all her love and all her little acts of love, she left me and she left me in circumstances similar to those Sandra left me under.

When Sandra left I had four children and three businesses that had to be dealt with.  I could not run the businesses alone and I could not raise my children alone.  I saw my metaphysically in a burning house, I felt I could get two or three out but not all four.  I lost Stephanie almost immediately as she quit school and moved in with her pizza manager got pregnant married then divorced.  Brian was lost five years later to alcoholism and his mothers influence.  David twenty years later to his mother influence.  As ti turned out only John survived seared but still a part of my life.  The other three have done evil things and in their own way, under Sandra’s influence tried to destroy my life.  Their acts have been vicious.

There was a Kenny Roger song popular when Sandra left that I will always associated with her; “You picked a fine time to leave me ___, four hungry children and crop in the field. I ran some bad times, been through some sad times, but this time the hurting wont heal. You picked a fine time to leave me Lucille.”

Now Kay is working in a dealership and I have no doubt that she will do well in life.  She will make her own way and be very successful.  The sad thing is that she had a proven track record of performing miracles with the web design business, except for actually writing the programs wand doing the actual graphic layouts.  She could do all the rest.  Had she not left me on March 31, 2007, but instead had a determined attitude to not let David destroy our business by now, today, March 22, 2008, we would have been millionaires. I do not know if she left me because of her fears and lack of faith overwhelmed her or if she had just found a way out after twenty years, or what.  And I don’t know if she is helping me because of guilt of leaving or it she loves me still to some degree.

Neither Kay nor Sandra had the ability to discuss their issues, feelings with me.  Sandra is evil.  Kay is an angel.  But they both left.  They have refused to discuss the real problem.  I realized this morning that before I leave this jail I will have had closure with Kay.  As I write about my life with her, or as I go through each year I feel release.  I just thought that when I am out of jail we may carry on some relationship but I feel now it will rapidly disintegrate with occasional letters.

One of the reasons that I did not like Kay working outside the home was because she would become totally committed to the job.  She would work over time for free and take abuse from her employers.  I needed her commitment to our business.  But like Sandra it was always referred to as my business and not ours.  I feel that both at the close of their lives will look back and see that had they stayed with me, their lives would have been many times more dynamic and fulfilling that whatever they accomplished.  But the truth is that that could never happen as long or they saw themselves as employers as opposed to what they were, full partners.  Their dreams were just not a large as mine.  But no ones is.  I have a WorldPeace mission.  A global agenda.  A WorldPeace Advocacy.

As the old Christian spiritual says, “We’ll understand it all by and by.”

The other issue is the house in the Heights.  It will be sold and then all my ties with the past will be severed or it will become the center of the WorldPeace endeavor.  The first beacon of peace as it will become the first center (home) of time.  The others are in Paris France.

I’m beginning to realize more and more each day that I am living among people who will never accept my vision of WorldPeace.  I am living in a super conservative community of Houston, Texas.  The home of both George Bush’s. I need to be where all true heretics and radicals thinkers go, Paris France.  The only center that tried to hold by George Dubya Bush war mongering. 4000 Americans have died in July and tens of thousands have been injured permanently. There is some change if and only if America stops the cause of it as it did in past war Japan and West Germany that Iraq many became a bastion of democracy in the middle east and because is will be a child of the USA in the middle East will reduce the influence of Israel in Armenian politics. Who knows.

Judge Brown appears to me as an impediment to my freedom and a cause of my mother asset drain.  Yet her actions are holding Heights from being sold.  If Heights is to remain my house then it will not sell.  Is not it will sell and I believe as of right now that I will leave America for France and only return to visit now and then.

I have no intention of rejecting my American Citizenship.  I see America still as the best hope for the future of the World because it is an undeniable proof that all races, all religions, all nations and both genders can live in peace.  And if radical conservatives like George Bush are stopped from destroying the US Constitution America will have a second new birth of freedom.  America must live the higher moral ground of its founding fathers if it is to be a light to the world as opposed to a predator on all the lesser developed nations.

It is my hope and intent to remain a political to transcend the world creating lessons of peace and leaving the leader of the world to stop destroying the planet and demonizing each other is the name of capitalism (what I believe in) and/or God.  My mission will have its hand greater in Houston, Texas or Paris France on earth.  I have not been given that mission at this time.

My prayer is simply that I be made an instrument of God’s peace.  For that I am willing to do anything except murder human beings or destroy the planet.

Date????  

I had a very strange dreamt this morning.  I was dreaming that myself and another friend about my age and a man about fifty were discussing my legal matters and my destiny I believe.  A woman in her early forties, very attractive, was about to reveal some important information to me.  We took a break to move to another more private room in the house to discuss the matter.  The fifty-year old guy went back to work.  We were in the kitchen getting coffee and I was standing by the icebox.

Then a bright light filled the room.  The woman said I ___ the police have more indictments.

But in reality, the guard had turned on the bright overhead lights, which meant breakfast was downstairs.  I normally sleep in here with a towel over my eyes and I don’t see the lights.  But apparently the towel had fallen off to the side.

Several things of interest.  First almost every morning I wake up with a revelation of one kind or another.  Basically I would say they are my instructions for the day.  A priority list of things to do.  But I only get the first two or three items on the list.  I have long believed that during the night I am active on what I call the “inner planes” working out things in my life.  If that is true, it would explain my morning list.

I do not try to remember my dreams because to do so would waste my daytime.  I don’t want to dream at night and review the dream all day and then dream again at night.  I would get nothing done in my life.

So this dream was about indictments and I am dealing with legal matters in my day-to-day real world.  So I think my belief that I work at night on my real world problems is a valid assumption.

Second, I have had dreams where something in the real world bleed into the dream.  It is like the dream integrates the sound in order to keep me asleep.  But in sixty years I have never had light bleed into a dream.  This is a very interesting phenomonon to me.

It seems that I am seeing my dreams with my real eye mechaism.  It is not like meditation where I feel the vision is taking place somewhere deep in my mind unrelated to my eyes.  This event this morning was more like I was at the movies and then someone turned on the light from behind my and it blacked out the image on the screen.  What this seems to mean is that there is one screen and when my body uses it to play out dreams on my retina and then light coming through my eyelids also strikes my retinas.  So two images are being imposed.  Maybe this is how it works with sound too.

The question is, what part of me is in esse4nce turning on my retinas while I sleep and describing dreams to be recorded in my brain?  It would seem like my soul would be doing this as a way of passing information to me indirectly.  If that is the case, and I believe it is, then the spirit is much more dominant in my day to day reality than I thought.  And it means our bodies and minds are subordinate to our spirit in this reality.  This is pretty dramatic.

I have always believed that the lives between this reality and heaven are not seamless and that there is evidence, physic experiences, which prove the two worlds are interacting.  And more important is that as it is in heaven and hell so it is on earth.  In other words if we want to know what heaven is like just look around, reduce the diversity of everything and you have heaven.

It is getting warmer in here as the weather outside is getting warmer.  I have not seen anyone where a blanket in the common area for a couple of weeks.  The first night I was here everyone was wearing their blankets to stay warm.

Last night a decision was made to watch the 10 Commandments, the 1950’s movie.  I remember seeing it at the outdoor movies when it first came out.  The NCSS basketball championships have been on all week and I thought there might have been a small fight about which one we should watch.  There wasn’t.  I watched about half the movie and then went to bed.  The guards left the TV on until 2 am and the noise woke me up so I began to read this book.  If I wake up after a couple of hours of sleep there is no point in trying to go back to sleep so I have learned to get up and start the day.

I am having trouble staying on my exercise plan.  This book is taking up a lot of time and I don’t like to take a lot of time away from it.  But I am going to have to make myself exercise.  It has been a few days since I last exercised.  Time just flies in here.  I laugh every time I think about it.  So many people think I am suffering in here and I am not.  I am really happy to have this break in my life to work through all of my past.  And this book is giving me understanding and closure on all of it.  A huge burden is being lifted from me.  I am recognizing the fact that I am OK with that has been my life.  I begun to see why so many things happened and I see that it is my destiny to experience all this chaos.  Few people have done as many different things a I have.  Few people have my education. I am happy with my life do fair.

For most people the only measure of success is money and material possessions.  That is not true for me.  Living a significant like is what counts.  That being said, money id easy to make and when I get out of here I will make it flow.  Of all the things I have tried to do, that has been the easiest.  The problem has been putting together a team of dedicated people who could keep up with my marketing skills.  I think I have that worked out now.  My Internet web design business is the right business for these times.  The potential is unlimited.  I will find my team and I expect right now that my art and my writings will also bring in significant money but not as much as the web design business.

Unfortunately, having a lot of money is what impresses people on America so I am fully aware that no matter what I do to increase the peace in the world human society, if I don’t accumulate a multi million dollar estate I will be written of as just an old hippie living the WorldPeace dream which everyone knows is a waste of time.  The ridiculousness of it all makes me laugh, sadly.

March 25, 2008     After Breakfast

This is the day the Lord has made. Let us joy and be glad in it.

I feel shift in the force, energy, universe for the positive in my life.

Ms. Williams is apparently gone. Maybe she was in fact suspended for a week.  Then she was allowed to come back for a few days to save face.  But then again Bobby W. wrote another grievance and sent it right after she came back.  I don’t know only he did it because I thought they had already decided what to so with her.  All I really can testify to is that she has not been here for almost a week now and the tank is so much more relaxed.

Yesterday began with an early (6 am) commissary delay.  I only ordered about $20 of stuff mostly writing pads and envelopes, granola bars and some peanut butter which is a great filler and some ice cream.  I have started ordering a pint a week.  We have to eat it as soon as we get it it or it will melt.

Later in the morning a white shirt (new deputy guards) came by guiding and told me to hide my under clothes that were laying on my bed.  A few minutes later a major and a top sergeant came into my room.  He was looking at all the rooms but I guess since I was in mine he came in for a chat.

He noticed the pens on my desk, one black and one blue, the old and the new.  He asked is the blue one (actually gold) was the new pen.  I said yes and told him how they would write 120 pages as opposed to the old ones, which only write about seven.  He seemed pleased with that answer.  The sergeant was very _680_. I am sure he worried about what each chat like this would bring up.  This jail has a lot of administration management problems.  Also there are a lot of little inmate related problems that could be solved with limited monies and would reduce the tension in here dramatically.

He then asked me my name and I said WorldPeace.  He asked why I was in here and I told him because I made a lot of enemies when I ran for governor and I was disbarred and then accused of being in contempt of that order.  He acted mildly interested.  I don’t know if he really caught my name or not.  He seemed to be one of those people who heard it but was not sure they heard it right but did not want a deep discussion of WorldPeace if they did.

He then left and I could see the relief on the sergeants face that I did not complain.

I have been playing chess with a guy named Joey R. who is an ex school cop.  They said he was caught playing with himself in his car on the school grounds but he says it was a female officer who caused him problems.  I tent to believe the sex related issue. He is also a professional drummer for the last forty years and a whiner and a mammas boy who has no social skills really.

I play chess distracted most of the time.  I find it hard and always have to stay focused on games.    Playing a game is a diversion, never a matter of ego.  But with Joey each game is ego related.  It must be hard trying to justify your life on every game.

Sometimes when he wins he gets to cocky and annoying when he does that I focus and like five weeks ago I beat him 38 out of 40 games before I lost interest.  Because of his ego he is subject to easily having me playing with his mind.  So when he gets too annoying I move my hand over the board to redirect his attention, move pieces incorrectly and other such things.

We normally do not bet as the games in here but it does help me to concentrate so I challenge him to a bet to keep his mouth shut.  He would not bet because I think he is too Christian for that.  So two days ago the self-appointed house mother (not gay) John H. put up a jelly roll that came with breakfast.  I let Joey was the first out of three games and as usual he puffed up.  I then beat him the next two and returned some of his 682_ to him.

Yesterday another inmate Corey E. bet John T H that I could beat Joey.  He also told me he would give me a Butterfinger to play Joey.  He bet two soups (Ramen noodles which the paper yesterday the jail sells three million of a year and make $900,000 in profit) Soups are $.45 and are eaten by some all the rime and other once in a wile when the regular food is nasty or not up to their taste.  There are significant number of exchange in the jail.  Each night when they have a spread four of five guys eating their soups together after an elaborate cutting, chopping, dicing of other things like pickles and meats.  The MSG in the soups will probably kill some of them.

So anyway I beat Joey and then he started attacking me but this time it got real personal.

He is obviously upset that he twice lost the bets for others who bet on him.  It also bolstered my constant claim that I could beat him anytime I want.  Robby W. calls him a box of rocks and asks him hot I can even let a box of rocks beat me.

I told Joey to shut up that he as getting to personal.  Which instigated but did not bother me.  He is not in my league or any level except he says he is a professional drummer.  But people say a lot in here.  I got up and went to my room because I was two tempted to return his personal attacks tithe statements about him crime.  All that would have done was make him an enemy which I already have enough of in life.  I have only one really enemy and that is Sandra.  But mostly I am other people enemy because I will not call black white.  I am too candid and truthful and as a salesman with experiences as an attorney they cant really get an edge on me in an argument.  I don’t really have enemies because I don’t believe there are but a very few people who can really harm me.

Joey is supposed to get out on parole in a week.  I hope he does so I don’t have to deal with him.  I think I will avoid him and just not play chess with him anymore.  Funny he was the first one to speak to me when I came into the tank.

At about 11 PM, after we went to bed, the light came in and they gave everyone new wristbands.  We were in tank 2L1 and they moved us to 2N1, one corridor over.  My understanding is that they are going to clean up 2L1, clean the vents and redo the shower and fix some of the plumbing and fire sprinklers.  Again all thanks to the Department of Justice investigation.

The new tank is a mirror image of the old one and most of us took our same rooms.  Again I see the hand of God in all of this.  First there is a TV to deafen me in this tank.  So I will have quiet to finish this book.  We are only supposed to be here a few days bit O think it may be layer.  I expect to defiantly finish the first draft by Sunday.  I am on page 710 in my tablets and expect another 200 pages will finish the first draft.  With the inserts from the internet and editing it should expand to about 1100 pages on about 550-600 pages in a printed book not counting the Table of Contents and the Appendix, etc.

Another thing is that it is about 5 degrees warmer in here which makes it almost normal.  I did not wake up to the cold last night.  It was getting warm in the other tank because I had to take off my arm warmer (socks with both ends open) while I exercised.

One if the things I found interesting is that my mirror which is just a piece of horizontal chrome about 14” x 18” is flawed.  About 1/3 down from the top there is a ripple line.  There is therefore an image in the top and one on the bottom.  I feel it is sort of a metaphor about John WorldPeace the spirit and John WorldPeace the human being.  This is a minor thing but I mention it just to show how I tend to notice things that have a symbolic abstract or metaphysical aspect.

I just noticed that the piped in music pond does not work either.  So I will have the quiet I am used to at home.  Most of the yelling that goes on in here has to do with the TV.  So things should be about 80% quieter in has now.  Thank God for small blessings.

I have noticed that my body is starting to lose weight and my exercising is having an affect.  My muscles in my arms chest and back are getting bigger and tighter.  I am doing more push-ups and pull ups than even before.  It is interesting that I can build muscle at sixty.  Conventional wisdom is that is not typical.

I think it has to do with the testosterone levels in my body. I have always had a high sex drive which I have kept for the most part with in the marriages.  My sex drive is as high as it was in my early thirties.  I believe this is the reason I can increase my muscle mass.

I have also learned over the years that sex and thinking about sex can boost my ability to heal.  If I am sick, often I will exercise the sickness away.  And if I am exercising like jogging I can reduce the pain by thinking about sex.

I have never chased women because I did not have the time.  I just had too much to do.  It was one of the reasons I married.  It was to relieve my sexual desire in a conventional way.  My ego is not connected to how many women I sleep with.  Also my father had an issue with me who chose women and even though he did not lecture me about it, I heard him talk about it enough that it became part of my attitude.  I know there are people with higher sec drives than me and sex controls their lives.  I am not one of those people.

I have a lot of discipline and mind control and always have.  The most obvious example is all the years I went to college while working full time.  I sacrificed a lot of socializing to acquire the experiences and education I have.  Now I find myself alone for whatever reason and I know my social life will increase, I like to be around people and I no longer have a family or a wife.  I noticed when I was single right after divorcing Sandra that people like me builds a sort of surrogate family out of their friends.  I still have some remnants of family life but I feel in the future, friends and others on the WorldPeace path will be my family.

March 29, 2008     After Breakfast

It looks like the radios do work so it wont be as quiet as I thought.  Also my door does not pop open so I did not have that noise to wake me up for breakfast and I missed it.  Oh well, that is why I have some food in reserve and buy oatmeal and granola bars.  I have gotten used to the cold milk with my breakfast bar.  When I get home I will substitute rice milk for the milk.

I am normally up before breakfast anyway but I just remember __ moved late last night and I probably did not get to bed until 1 AM.  I don’t sleep that much but the first three hours are pretty deep.  I will make sure one of these guys wakes me up from now on if they don’t see me get up.

March 25, 2008     After Supper

Bill N. gave me a second breakfast that he got this morning.  Nick G. does not eat breakfast so Bill N. gets it.  I did not ask, he just gave it to me.  God always takes care of my needs.

Also, Nick G. said today that he heard the same church choir singing that I heard.  No one else has mentioned it but he also heard it like a church gathering with an organ and some other people talking.

I think that where this jail is located there is a lot of history.  It may be the early Houstonians singing.  I find it interesting that someone else has heard the choir.

I have plenty of pens now but the new guy Anthony J. brought me one from court this morning.  He got it from his lawyer.  You got strip searched coming back from court but it is easy to hide a pen in your socks.

I have just about used up my black pens so I will quit using them since I cannot get them anymore.  I have two free world pens and I will try to use them up before they take them in a shake down.

March 26, 2008      After Breakfast

It does appear that Ms. Williams is permanently gone.  I am just realizing how much tension she created.  She managed to create enough tension every morning to keep everyone on edge. I am still having trouble getting used to not worrying about her presence.  You never knew when she was going to start screaming over the speaker or show up in the tank.

Stevenson, the deputy today is the most lax.  He does not check the mail.  He walks by and counts each morning and does not call everyone out into the big area.  No one but Ms. Williams has created any problems.  You learn over time which guards to leave alone.  If you need something you just wait until a guard comes on the next shift.  Guido works the night shift.  He is a white shirt and is the most user-friendly guard.  But he can only handle minor problems in the tank because all major things have to be done in the daytime when all the staff is present.

It is definitely warmer in here.  The cold did not wake me up alst night.  Like Robby W. says the change makes time go faster.  Who knows when we will go back to our cold cells.  There really is no difference except the warmth and the lack of TV.  So for me it is really better in here.  The problem is that these guys have less to do and so they congregate more often in my room which stops me from writing.  If I want I can just tell them I have to go to work.  So it is not a problem.

Jason D.  is going home today.  He has done his six months.  Actually he got a year sentence in county but in county you get two for one credit so he only had to do six months.  When I got here he had three months to go.  It is good to see these guys leave because you know that you are not forgotten about.

MG seems to be bi-sexual.  I have been wondering about it for a while.  He keeps doing and saying little things that make me believe he is interested in me.  I have no interest.  And since he is not overly pushy I ignore him and he backs off the comments.  I am too old o let his actions bother me.  I have no interest in being with another man any more than I would like to have sex with a monkey.  I enjoy the feel of a woman’s soft body not a bearded heavy hard body of a man.

I was glad I did not miss breakfast this morning but the truth is that I don’t really care if I miss it or not.  For some reason I just don’t have the desire to eat like I did.  I think I may be under 190 pounds now.  When I get down to 170 I will be on a 1600-calorie diet like I was in 1987 after divorcing Sandra.  I just stayed busy and food was not a priority.

I have been in jail three months but I was under self-imposed house arrest since November 2005, avoiding arrest.  I had too many things to get in order before I came in here.  Had I not been under house arrest I would have lost all my excess weight within about six months.  But since I could not go anywhere I would walk over to the Mexican bakery in the next block and buy a half dozen cookies.  They were bad for my heart but when penned up or stressed they are my friends.

The book is coming to a close.  I am on page 740 and I believe I will end up at a little over 900 tablet pages.  That should reduce down to about 450-500 not counting the Table of Contents and the Appendix I will add.  I really hope to finish by Monday and get it to my son so I don’t have to be concerned about something happening to it.  I am not really concerned now because I understand the drill here.  I keep a low profile and so there is no room for them to focus on me.  I am writing with a free world pen I got yesterday through “Swishy” the gay guy.  The new house Anthony J got it from his lawyer yesterday and smuggled it in.  I will use it ip and then throw the top and bottom away and then cut the plastic tub up and use it on the new pens, which are too flexible.

They have been remodeling this tank and I founf this ½” x 5” piece of metal that I was going to use to tear paper.  Eric E. locked at it and pointed out it was a sharpened blade that goes into a scraper.  So I will clean it off and keep it.  You never know when you are going to need some of the things you find.  I have no fear of my life but it can be used to cut my nails and shave down a spoon to make a needle for sewing because it is heaven then the razors we get by taking a part the disposable razors they sell for shaving.  I hear they have gone back to the old razors which but your face real bad.  I hope it was just for one week.  I can’t shave my head with a dull razor.

Other then one radio that is on playing 80’s music it is very quiet in here.  Most of these guys will sleep until lunch if not disturbed.  The loudest time begins after supper and peaks between 6-10:30 in the evening.  Then lights out are quiet.  But the problem it that at lights out they turn down the lights and it is a bit harder to read and write.  Usually I don’t stay up more than thirty minutes unless I have a need to write and feel in sync when the words flow.

March 27, 2008    Before Breakfast

The tank was much quieter yesterday.  A lot has to do with the fact that there is no TV.  Another factor is that Ms Williams is not here creating tension in the morning that keep everyone wound up all day.

Jason D. went home yesterday.  He was one of the guys I talked to more than others.  Eric M. the guy who was in the same police academy class as my son John goes for shock probation day.  The judge may let him go here.  If not he should get parole in June.  Bill N. also goes to try and bond out.  Bill eats in my room everyday.  If these two guys go, I will only have a couple of guys to talk to.

I don’t really care to interact with the new guys because I have to much to do.  But I do feel a need to know why they are in here.  I want to know is they have a potential for violence or theft.

I refuse to play chess with Joey R. after he acted stupid and personally attacked me.  He is a jerk per everyone who has had to deal with him.  I don’t care, I just want to be out of his energy.  If I am lucky he will get out on parole next week.

It is getting warmer.  I did not wear my arm socks last night and I don’t have them on now.  The temperature is just about right.

My exercise routine is becoming more regular and I can feel my whole body tightening up.  It occurred to me last night that I have been in here longer than boot camp.  All my sons dramatically changed their physique after Marine boot camp.  I continue to find humor in the fact that people expect me to leave jail beat down and the fact is that I will exit much stronger and more focused then when I entered.  Not to mention with the manuscript of The WorldPeace Advocacy and is I am here to the end of April, a novel as well.

The Federal Public Defender continues to do nothing and the corrupt judge Brown continues to do nothing as well.  On April 1, 2008 she will have cost my mother $7500 in house payments that would not need to be made if the house was sold.  I told John last night that I am going to sit back on these problems until I finish this project which should be Monday.  I finished the new Table of Contents this morning.  I will begin to finish the final 200 pages.

The way I have structured the book, the major issues and events will now be presented as both marriages come to an end.  That means im writing about forty pages a day and I have not been able to do that so far.  It is quieter now but at the same time I get man visits to my room.  That will also end if Bill and Eric go home today.  If they don’t, I will get out before they do.

As per usual I am looking at all that is going on.  I will either get out of here in the next ten days as I will be here to the end of April I think.  If I am to write a novel two then I will be in here to the end of April.  I am ready to get in sync with whatever happens.  I like just watching how God works in my life.  I have total faith that I am on the right path and God is engaged as my partner.

I still get angry at injustice and stupidity of all kinds.  Like the nineteen year old in here Name L.  He wanted a video game player worth about $200.  Both his parents are cops.  So he got a pistol and went down to a video store and took one at gunpoint.  Yesterday they offered him twenty years, parole in ten since he used a gun.  That had a lot to do with the tank big guest yesterday because it was a reality check for everyone.

When I start thinking about all my visions and such are nonsense I remember the reality that I am going to do.  That means this reality will go away and I will go to heaven and there I will have to account for me deeds.  It always wakes me up and keeps me on track.

I have been collecting 1920’s framed pictures of clipper ships.  I have about twenty.  I always understood why. I felt maybe because they represent freedom and travel to me.  They are big ships which mean big trips across oceans.  Yesterday the chronicle had a big picture of one used by the Coast Guard coming into Galveston.  For my crazy abstract mind, it is an indication that I am about to get out of here and begin my real life’s work, The WorldPeace Advocacy.  Again we will see what happens.  It may be a picture of a hip on a notice for me to get ready.  It does not matter.  I just find it all interesting.

I think people would have much more peace in their lives if they would just pay attention to what is going on.  Look at the coincidences and little miracles.  Many times they are guideposts, god communicating with us all.  Most ignore his revelations.  Too bad, God has a sense of humor. I am not delusional I just pay attention and I find this reality interesting and constantly fascinating.

Too many I am an enigma spreading nonsense.  I’m the back of Acts in the New Testament 26:24 “While Paul was still standing up for himself. Festus interrupted. ‘You are out of you mind Paul’ he shouted. ‘Your great learning is driving you crazy.’” It is all quite humorous and interesting to a curious mind like I have.

March 27, 2008      After Lunch

Richard Jenke-  The Unfaithful Servant

Leon Keyser was a ninety-one year old member of Heights Presperterian Church, where my mother had been a member for sixty-two years.  Leon K. had a son who was twenty but who only had the mind of a twelve year old.  Vernon was in a nursing home.  Leon’s wife Evelyn had died about five years ago and his dog about a year prior.

   Leon had congestive heart failure and was not going to live more than six months.  No one in the church cared about helping Leon.  He was just a smelly old man who collected newspapers and cans.  Leon was an active supporter of the Boy Scout troops sponsored by the Heights Church.

Richard J. who alleged he was a WWII ___ who joined the Navy at 14 decided he would help Leon as much as he could.  Richard was eighty. Leon lived among junk and filth.  His house was a huge mess as was his garage and the rest of his property.

I went with my mother, Kay and LeAnn to see Leon in the hospital after church on Sunday and he asked me to help Richard get his affairs in order.  His primary concern was that his son be taken care of and then the balance of his estate go to the Boy Scouts after Vernon died.  I told him I would help all I could.

Leon was moved to a lower end nursing home which I am sure would not pass through state inspection.

Leo told me that both his grandfather had fought in the Civil War, one for the North and one for the South.  His father had come to America from Germany and had changed is name from Kaiser to Keyser, to disassociate himself from the German Kaiser.  When his grandfather came to Ellis Island and completed his paper work he joined the Union Army. Leon said his grandfathers met on occasion but sis not like each other due to the Civil War.

What I found interesting was that in talking to Leon, he had had direct contact as a young man with two Civil War veterans.  It was the year 2004 and I was talking to a man who was really only two generations away from a war that was fought 140 years prior.

I found Leon’s financial affairs a gigantic mess and I found that he had about $350,000 in assets and no heir except his son Vernon.  His money was scattered in several bonds, his wife had died without a will and he never processed her estate.  He also had retirement monies coming in and so did Vernon.  And Vernon had his own assets but some assets were in the name of Evelyn, Leon’s deceased wife.

I went with Richard to all the banks and the nursing homes and told him what he needed to do to get all the money together.  Leon had a will.  He also signed a power of attorney for Richard to take care of his affairs including selling his house.  I talked to Leon alone at the nursing home and he told me he trusted Richard to do the right thing.

Over time the house was sold and all the monies except Evelyn’s personal assets was moved to Richards control.  Richard was diligent about getting everything sold including the house and its contents and the money in his name.  Then he paid all the debts and paid for Leon’s funeral as well ads Vernon’s who died about six months after his father.  Leon’s last four months were spent in the same nursing home as Vernon.

Leon was buried in Rock Island, Texas next to his Confederate grandfather.  The water table was close to the surface so his coffin was lowered into a watery grave.

When all was said and done Richard had about $180,000 in assets of Vernon’s and Leon’s.  Leon did have a cousin who should have gotten some of the estate.

Richard did not file Leon’s will.  He also kept Vernon’s money.  I said nothing for several years and then I had Richard to come to my house to discuss the estate.  His evil wife Irma came who had been friends with my mother for over fifty years.  I refused to talk with Irma present because after cleaning up Leon’s house she was never present when Richard and I talked to Leon.

The conversation ended with Richard saying he gave the scouts about $3000 and that was all they were going to get.  I told Richard that some money had to go to the scouts.  It seemed his intent was not to honor Leon’s desires.

Right after Vernon died, Irma and her daughter came to my office.  Irma is also eighty.  Irma said all the money was his and would go to his kids and not Irma’s.  Irma said she was ready to divorce Richard if he did not give her half of the money.  At out last meeting Richard had put a $120,000 CD in his and Irma names.

As things stand not I am in a position to file for an administrate with the court and the court will have Richard account fort the money he has stolen.  The question is whether I wasn’t to get involved or just let God take care of it.  It is possible if I turn it over top the court the judge will hire an attorney who will end up with the entire estate.  I doubt if the Boy Scouts will step into the matter.

Before Leon, Richard was making $7 an hour working for an attorney in the municipal courts.  Richard nor Irma have ever had that much money in their lives.

This is classic evil.  I have spent the last pears fighting things like this; Sandra is evil, the courts, Heights Church, car dealers, attorneys and others.  There is no end to evil.  It is time for me to devote my life to something positive.  I need to let others handle these matters.  I have already done my time trying to challenge wrong doing and injustice.  And right now I am fighting my own legal battles.  I am not inclined to open and more legal matters.

I do have a tape of Richard and Irma and myself where I spent 45 minutes telling Richards that what he was doing was criminal.  I could send that tape to his lawyer.  It amounts to an admission and I could hope that it would motivate Richard to do the right thing.  Or I can send it to the DA or I can file for an administration of Leon’s and Vernon’s estate and turn it over to the probate judge.  Or I can do nothing and let God deal with it.

March 27, 2008     Before Supper

Bill N. went home tonight and Eric M. will go home in a month.  It is a bit depressing to see someone leave who I spent a lot of time with and got to know.  I don’t perceive the majority of people in here as criminals.  I see them as people who just made a mistake.  But have to doubt there are some real criminals in here.  Bill and Eric are not in that category.  Neither is Nick.  They were all guilty of a misjudgment.  One mistake is a long career of law enforcement.  In this case the punishment does not fit the crime.  I’ll miss Bill and a handful of others who I met here.

In the Army people come and go together.  In here they come and go one at a time.  It is interesting how that works in my mind.

March 28, 2008      Before Breakfast

It is now 2008 and it is hard to remember all the Christianity chatter about the end of the world and the coming of jesus that circulated just before the year 2000.  And when nothing happened there was a lesser chatter about the year 2001.

The Christian preacher gave a lot of airtime to all the doom and gloom from the Book of Revelation.  The Book of Revelation was written by the Apostle John on the island of Patmos.  The island of Patmos is where one went to use to sacred mushroom and to see visions.  The Book of Revelations sounds a lot like one that was the result of a drug induced hallucination.

The New Testament admonishes Christianity not to use physics for telling the future or conjuring spirits or whatever.  That would not have been the case if there was not a lot of that kind of thing going on.  The question id why does the Bible endure speaking in tongue and the Book of Revelations and at the same time condemns these kinds of psychic experiences.  The Book of Revelations even opens with a statement that it is prophesy.  All the old Testament is filled with visions and interpretations of visions and dreams.  So the Bible included these stories of prophecy and yet in the new testament condemns it.

The Bible is full of contradictions.  It was written by men and edited and manipulated by men.  In the year 400 Jerome assembled the official Bible of 88 books then every other gospel and commentary that was not included was excluded.  Some of those excluded books are part of the Dead Sea Scrolls and the Nag Hamadi Library.  The gnostic texts and the ideas of reincarnate were excluded from the new Bible. Gnostic believes that you can seek and know God on your own.  This was contrary to a Catholic bureaucracy in 400 that wanted to consolidate all Christians under one official text.  The church wanted to put forth the doctrine and dogma that you could not come to this God knowledge on you own but instead had to get the official version solely from the church bureaucracy.

Nothing in the Book of Revelations has been verified by real events.  All we can really say is that WWII and Adolph Hitler and Hirohito in Japan sure looks like the things described in Revelations.  Except that Jesus did not appear.  Or has not appeared yet.

In 1972, I was reading a lot of books about Edgar Casey who did seem to be able to perform some astounding psychic feats. I was meditating every day and working with card reading to see if there was any validity to psychics and metaphysical phenomenon.  Then one day I had a black out period.  I had come here from the Army past and I could not remember the last six hours.  My days were moronic but not so much that I would have a black out.  And I did not drink at that time.  Nor since after the equivalent of about eight drinks a year.  So it was not an alcoholic black out.

I had read in some of the psychic books that one needs a guru or a mentor to help one reach the upper levels of the psychic realms.  I understand and acknowledge the need for a teacher to some degree but I tend not to embrace the idea that I need someone to run my life.  I believe I can talk straight through God.  Jesus said ask and receive, seek and find, knock and enter.  He did not suggest a need for a guru or mentor.  He said I could talk straight to God.

I decided that I needed to wait until someone appeared who could help me discover the psychic world.  The Bible was full of psychic phenomenon and I believe that nothing had changed from the time of the Old Testament in this reality.  In other words if there was psychic phenomenon and dreams and visions and prophesies in the Old Testament and the Book of Revelations and speaking in tongue in the New Testament then those things should still be solid 741 in the heaven experiences today.

The idea of social incarnate in a human body is a meta physical reality.  So it would seem that religions should be all about psychic phenomenon.  But bureaucratic religions can’t endorse dreams and visions because they cant be controlled.  To embrace them means to have to answer to every vision of every church member.  It was better for the church to just label them sinful and fear the devil even if people often experienced personal prophetic dreams and had valid intuitive and psychic experiences.  All the conservatives did was to stop people from admitting that they had these experiences.

The wall between this reality and heaven is blurred.  In other words there are times and places when and where you can see a glimpse of heaven and ghosts can appear to see this world.  There are some legitimate psychics who can clearly see the other side and tell the future.  The problem is that no psychic is correct all the time.  So you cant really verify what was said until it happens, if it ever does happen.  Psychic phenomenon should be looked at like any other input in a decision making process.  Consider the information but don’t bet your life on it.  It is not that reliable even though it is sometime remarkably valid.

As we live and experience life we come to understand and trust our personal psychic connection.  To be simplistic, when a big toe aches, rain is coming.  Every time we think that of a person when we wake up, that person will call that day. God and you angels and guardians find all kinds of non-traditional ways to communicate with you.  You just have learn how to listen.  Or you can choose to ignore is all.

In March 1985 a woman came into my office to discuss her legal matters.  Just before she left she said she was going to see a psychic.  I decided to pursue the matter and call the psychic.  It had been thirteen years since I quit working with psychic phenomenon and this seemed like a sign for me to re engage.

I called PL the psychic and made an appointment.  It lasted forty-five minutes and during that time PL told me what no one but me new and gave me a perception of my life so that for the first time all my past seemed top make sense.  I could see how all the events in my life fit together.  PL gave me a lot of clarity.

I had been given a tape recording of the session and I came home and played it for Sandra who agreed it was amazing.  I then suggested that she go see PL.  Her response was “I don’t need anyone to tell me how screwed up I am.”  I thought this was a very strange statement.  I did not know what she meant.  But in the coming years I would come to realize just how screwed up she was.

Sandra refused to touch a Bible while we were married. Would not read or discuss even though she would attend church.  After we divorced, with the help of my sister, Sandra was born again and embraced the Bible.  She saw me reading and studying the Bible and related texts our whole marriage but she never entered into a discussion with me about any of it.

I enrolled in classes PLooney had and went once a week.  After class I would go with her to Denny’s and stay until 3 AM.  I did not sleep much at night anyway.  We would discuss all kinds of psychic things.  She was mentoring me but she was also manipulating me.  She began more and more to play games where I have to perform certain things before she would reveal things to me.  She was abusing her gift.

I saw and learned many things and was introduced to other psychics on her level, people who had amazing abilities.  All of this scared Sandra.  I think is scared her because she had no spiritual understanding and I now that it scared her because she worried about what some of these people may reveal about me.  She talked to PL, I found out later.

One time Sandra and I went to the Gun Show in Houston and we happened to meet up with PL there and about ten other psychics.  We all sat down at a large round table and these people began to read Sandra like a book.  When you are with these people and they trust you (remember they burned people at Salem Mass) they open up and speak freely.  Nothing major was revealed except that Sandra had a lot of animosity for me.  I did not pay enough attention.  I should have seen our marriage coming apart but I was just to busy with work to notice.

One time PL began to fake her trances and gave me bad information to manipulate me.  After about six months I significantly cut back on the amount of time I spent with her.  She was trying to control me.  And no one has ever been allowed to do that.

The problem with psychics is that you just never know when they are really connected or not.  Only time will tell.  Many are just fakes.

Anyone who has read Nostradamus or the Book of Revelations knows how unreliable future telling is.  We all see through the veil of the life to heaven now and then but not all the time.  Nostradamus and Revelations need to be taken generally.  What I now is that WWII sort of reassembled the Book of Revelation.  This is the way most psychics material is.  It is generally correct in ways we did not expect.  We see later we were expecting a red bull but instead it was a pink balloon.  A dark blue Ford and it was a light blue chevy.   The car manifested but not the one we seen in our dreams.

Psychic phenomenon is real but it is personal.  You have to develop it and understand how information comes to you personally and how to distinguish the more valid revelations you receive. God does speak in abstracts and metaphors and con 747_ and miracles.  We just have to pay attention, pray and meditate.  God seldom speaks to use directly and in plain English.  Heaven is abstract.  God is abstract.  An abstract vision of a piece of cake can mean dinner is about to be served.  A golden son can mean morning coming.

There is one absolute rule about psychics, do not dedicate your life to them.  Tale what they say, apply your logic and then move on with your life accepting and discarding who has been communicated to you.

Expect Jesus when you see him.  Act as if he is always at the door.

March 28, 2008    After Breakfast

They just delivered the toilet paper and there was a mad dash for the door.  We have an average of about eighteen guys in here and they only deliver about eight to ten rolls every Monday and Friday.  It is not quite enough.  I just always laugh at how much a mundane matter can be elevated to a major event in a place like this.

It looks like we will not go back to our old cellblock for a few more days.  They are apparently painting it.  What it means is that the TV will be non-existent through the weekend and I feel very confident that I will finish this book by Monday.  Finish the first draft I mean.

I have been playing down the book aspect to those who ask.  I just tell them I am working on a plan to restart my business, take care of my legal matters and trying to work through some of my history.  I tell them it is just for my kids.  I do not want anyone to know how important this book is to me.  That it is the core of my WorldPeace endeavor.  I have been here long enough to have a few potential enemies.  By the time I finish this first draft there will be about 700 pages I think.  It would be very difficult to rewrite it.

Hopefully I can hand it off to John next week through an attorney visit.  I will put bankruptcy pleading on the front of the plastic bag that will contain the fourteen of fifteen tablets.  It will look like legal pleadings.  People are going to be shocked to find that I have written this when I was supposed to be suffering.  They will be astounded if I also finish a novel next month as well.  Who cares.  This is what I have to do and it makes me feel good.  It means I sis not write the time I spent in here.

It should just be another example for others that good can come out of even the worst of circumstances and situations.  Everything in life comes down to how you perceive it.  There is always the opportunity to make lemonade out of lemons to turn a defeat into a major victory.  I love the challenge.

I did not choose this jail experience.  But like my heart attack, I have risen above it.  I have taken life’s blows and put it into its place.  I did not freak out in here.  I did not cry or feel despair.  I wrote a book.  And I wrote it without any real experience at such things and I did it on less than seven weeks.  I should be able to do a 400-page novel in three weeks.  You see, I already have a plan to follow the completion of this book.

I will spend a few days working on legal pleadings and then a few days rest.  A few days roughing out the plot and the story line of my novel and then begin to write.  I have developed the habit of writing everyday.  It will be easy to continue.  I also developed a method of dealing with a lot of facts.